“Q. I’d like to know if it is true that deities are actually imagination…”

Q. I’d like to know if it is true that deities are actually imagination of human beings or do they really exist in these forms? Also please explain if their forms are real or symbolic forms.

A. First thing you are not real as you think. You yourself are symbols. Second thing, deities are surely much more real, factual than you. Deities are much more real and factual than you. There are different planes of existence. You exist in a very low plane we call it bhooloka, this planet earth, this plane you exist in. If you evolve yourself, that’s what I call raising your energy through various energy centers, through chakras. If you evolve your consciousness, if you grow up, you will see your desires, your emotions, your fears, everything will be totally different. Everything will have a different quality you will be a transformed being. Your way of relating, your way of living, everything will be totally different. With that quality of consciousness, people who live, they are called devatas (angels).

Then there is a higher quality of consciousness rishis (sages), then the gods. So surely the deities that you are seeing in the temple, all of them live in a much better and higher consciousness or plane than you. They are more real, more factual than you. Only thing I want you to understand is you are not real as you think, so if you understand that everything will become alright.

Q. Does Radha represent Krishna bhakti (devotion)? When we see Radha and Krishna idols are worshipped together, also Lord Ganesha’s elephant head and the rest of the human body symbolize anything?

A. Krishna, surely Radha represents Krishna bhakti, no doubt, and not only Radha is representative, she also lived on the planet earth. Only difference she lived with a much better consciousness, in a higher level being.

Ganapathi’s elephant head and the human body, maybe I can say first transplant surgery happened. Surely that is not just a deity, it’s a fact also. Sometime when I try to explain the meaning behind the deities, the philosophy they stand for, do not think they are only mere conception or philosophy. They do have their own factual and truth background.

Q. How will it be possible to practice not this, not this, let me think to next deeper level?

A. You cannot practice. You missed the sutra. Even yesterday I told clearly, the moment you ask how to practice, you missed the sutra then come on come to the next sutra, iti, iti is for you, the nithya sutra. People are always greedy about ananda sutra because they don’t have to do anything, but the problem with ananda sutras are they will click only when you are really ripe, when you are really intensely burning.

Understand, people ask me many times, “Swamiji your teachings are so universal, it has so much of universal appeal every human being can be helped. Why do you wear this orange robe which is related to one religion, one sect? If you can present yourself as universal person, many more will come to learn from you.” I tell them, no, this is the test.

Only a seeker, sincere guy, will come inside and sit after seeing my clothes. Only a person who is ready to go beyond this conditioning will come and sit here. Understand it takes little work, little sincerity to come and sit. Person who is interested in discovering only will be here, not a person who does window shopping. I do not want window shoppers here. No really, because the thing I am talking, the material I am talking or the truth I am expressing is dangerous. Window shopper will misunderstand, misinterpret and miss the whole thing. And not only he will miss, he will miss the whole thing, he cannot tolerate somebody else catching it, really. There are some people, if they miss the joke, they can’t tolerate some others laughing. They can’t tolerate others laughing.

Tell a joke to a British man, he will laugh three times, once when you say just to be polite, second when you explain again to be polite, third middle of the night when he really gets it. And when I tell the same joke to German guy, he will laugh twice, once when you tell to be polite, second when you explain again to be polite, third time he will never laugh because he will never get it.

Next if you tell an American, he will stop, he will laugh only once because he will get it. Fourth, important thing, if you tell a Jew, all he will do is, not only he will not laugh once, he will tell you it’s the same old joke and you are telling it all wrong. Because they know more jokes than anything you can tell.

Understand, sometime when you don’t catch when others are laughing, you can’t take it, you can’t tolerate. I wanted a kind of a filtering mechanism that’s the reason I still abide and hold on. These are all like a censor mechanism to keep things more clear. Only if you have a kind of that depth or a sincere seeking you will be here or you will come second time. You may come first time by mistake. I wanted to make a clear statement, only if you are really interested in the spiritual growth, please come second time. I wanted to make that statement very clear that is why I keep all these things still alive, not only alive authentically alive.

I have seen so many people coming to the west, and not only to the west all over the world, going around and teaching. They always not only promote the portable part of the spiritual truths. See whatever is said and done, the ultimate truth is the Vedic civilization, the civilization which was developed in the Sindhu (Indus River) and the Ganges plain that was the source of all the spiritual knowledge.

You can call it in any name, different names, whether it is from the Hinduism or Buddhism or Jainism, surely I can be sure, hundred percent, let it be on record Jesus had a training in Bharat in Buddhist monasteries. Apart from hundreds and thousands of scientific evidences and historic evidences, I can say still enlightened beings have some approach, or access to the Lemurian scrolls, the cosmic archives.

From that authority again I pronounce, the authority which I have to access, my access to the cosmic archives, with that I say surely he had training in the east, in Bharat. Had at least ten to twelve years training, learnt yoga, meditation, or basic things. Maybe when he came to the west again and started teaching he was not enlightened that time. That is the reason he collected all, anyhow he was not able to collect the intelligent group. And another one thing he was repeating the same thing. He did not customize that, great truths to the people to whom he was talking. He was using the same words.

See in Bharat when a master says I am creating a new kingdom, everybody knows he is talking about spiritual enlightenment or he is talking about the different world. When he started using the same word here, here they do not know that another one kingdom exists, here they do not know the word, they naturally started thinking he is now entering into the politics. So politicians were not able to tolerate, they started thinking he is a competitor, they did not understand he is complementing.

Actually understand, but for enlightened beings, people will not be polite without revolting the politicians nonsensical things. Any country if the peace is maintained or the life is silent, happy, blissful, be very clear there will be enough of number of spiritual gurus or the spiritual knowledge. Because masters are constantly teaching acceptance, acceptance, peace, so it is practically like we are doing their job, we are making their work lot easier.

But somehow the terms which Jesus used were not understood by the people so he had to go through whatever he has to go through. Anyhow that is the source, the Ganges civilization is the source of this knowledge, different ways different names different titles it took that is the source of knowledge. There are millions of gurus coming around the world, sharing this knowledge with the different names, Zen or Buddhist or Shaivite (following Shiva) or Vaishnavite (following Vishnu) or Jain or Sikh or so many traditions.

An important thing, they all promote the portable part of the knowledge. Portable part means the knowledge part which can be taken, assimilated, your head can become big, but you don’t need to become enlightened. Our tradition had two set of knowledge, portable and non-portable. Portable is the knowledge which enriches your health, your mental clarity, your efficiency in your business, relationship, in all those things, the benefits. Yoga also, only portable yoga has traveled to the west and is taught in the west, not the non-portable spiritual part.

Understand the non-portable, spiritual part is the core. I wanted to make a clear statement I am the guru of non-portable, spiritual part. Not the portable. Maybe by my presence as a side effect the portable things may happen. Side effect, health or the wealth or the better relationship or the better business ideas or the more clarity and intelligence to handle life or collecting some more stories and jokes where we can tell your social circle and make them envy, envious towards you, or just put yourself as a person who knows little more. These all benefits maybe a side effect but that is not for what I stand.

I stand for non-portable spiritual truth of Vedic tradition. For that you need little bit of intensity. So second time you will come back only if you have that much of intensity. Intensity always bypasses conditioning. Understand the intense seeking always bypasses conditioning. I have seen intense seekers never miss to recognize an enlightened master whether in this robe or dirtier than this robe or just lying in a corner of a street or living a very ordinary life in the villages of Himalayas. An intense seeker never misses.

He never misses, that is the reason I keep all these things alive, authentically alive in our mission, in my life and in my mission. Sometime the Hindus, no I can’t say Hindus, people who are born to Hindu parents, without discovering, without discovering understand you cannot be a Hindu. Please do not think or claim you are a Hindu unless you discovered Hinduism, Vedic tradition, unless you discovered spirituality. Person who discovered only can be Vedic tradition, by birth you cannot become Hindu. Maybe a political number wise you can be a Hindu by birth. You can belong to a Vedic tradition by birth maybe political Hindu number, the political number. The number wise you can be.

See people who belong to a particular religion because of their birth are dangerous people. I am making many things very clear. I am talking all these things just to put them all on the record because this is going to become a syllabus for training my swamis. I am creating, that’s the reason with every question all the ideas which I am supposed to express I am expressing it. I am making very clear statements about what I stand for and what really I wanted to do and what people can expect from me and what really I can add to their life. All these things I am making very clear.

Basically I belong to universe and I am a universalist. When I see people who are Hindus by birth, but they have not discovered it, they have not discovered the tradition they start feeling I am promoting their religion. It is an utter big mistake I am not promoting Hindu religion, the person who thinks Hindu religion, who has not discovered it. Understand I am making a clear difference. Many people who are born in Hinduism, born in Vedic tradition, but never discovered it, they think I am their guru or I am promoting their religion, no. I want all of them to understand if somebody is thinking in that way and supporting me let them disappear now.

It is time for them to understand and disappear now. I am here only to teach the Vedic tradition to a person who discovers it, not just because he is born in it. Because the person who is born, but neither discovered nor ready to discover is a fanatic, and he is terrorist. All organizations built on the people who are just born Hindus but not discovered Hinduism will be fanatic, will be idiotic, will not serve the Vedic tradition. They will only be criticizing and creating trouble for others by and by.

One important thing, I have seen different kinds of organizations, the organization which constantly does the great good things which Vedic tradition is contributing like teaching the Vedic system or building temples, so many organizations I can name, Swaminarayan, BAPS or ISKCON, so many organizations. Usually I don’t name, today I am expressing the name just to put the things on the record let it be. So many organizations, they are doing amazing work, wonderful work, these organizations will stand for Vedic tradition.

But there are so many organizations go on criticizing others, means this person is attacking tradition, this person is attacking Vedic tradition, this person is attacking Hinduism. Understand when you are going on saying that they are all attacking, and you do not say exactly what we are contributing, you are only accumulating, acquiring more and more negativity around you. One more important thing, the organizations which acquires negativity by only criticizing but not contributing will have naturally, bound to have breakage inside, because every person, see one important thing, the more years you spend around me the more things you will accumulate is all about the ideas of enlightenment.

You may or may not become enlightened, that is different, but constantly you will hear only about the intensity, inspiration. This is what you will accumulate. But there are organizations that go on criticizing. Their whole agenda is criticizing the people who are criticizing.

I can say if you do the work in the positive line, see what we have to offer. Vedic tradition has so much to offer, if you offer that eighty percent of your energy goes in that offering and twenty percent goes in defending, there’s a possibility that organization can survive. But there are so many organizations that go on criticizing, criticizing, criticizing the people who are criticizing means only defending work, there is no creative contribution. Those organizations, people who are in those organizations, by and by in two three years, all they will accumulate is the intelligence or intellect to criticize others.

When you accumulate the intellect to criticize others you cannot stop pointing the same time towards the internal, towards the people who are inside your own organization because that will become your habit. That will become your habit. So naturally those organizations cannot stand more than one generation. Even if they have enough of money, enough of wealth, enough of human resource, they cannot survive, they cannot stand.

I am defining for what I stand, I am a universalist, I am standing for a universal inner science, the science of enlightenment. I do not stand for anything else. People who are born in Hinduism and Vedic tradition, if they discover their tradition, then only then they will be even able to follow me or appreciate me, not before that. Just a person who is born to the Hindu parents cannot appreciate me, cannot understand me, cannot relate with me. It is the basic important thing you need to understand. Only a person who discovers can realize what I stand for.

When a person is ready to discover then naturally anybody who is interested in discovering will feel connected to me. So in that angle only a person who discovers will be the true follower of Vedic tradition, not by birth, not just by birth. The fellows who are just by, who belong to Vedic tradition just by birth, neither had inspiration nor had any guidance to explore and discover, the organization created by them or the work done by them is only dangerous and idiotic, will add more violence, more terrorism to planet earth.

I wanted all these things to be clearly there on the record for my swamis to learn and understand what for I stand. I am defining all these things so that all of you will be very clear about what truly Vedic tradition stands for, what truly we stand for. The portable knowledge, I have seen people go around and selling the portable knowledge, the portable side. That is why you see hot yoga, cold yoga, super deluxe kundalini (spiritual energy) yoga and what not. Because the portable knowledge is transmitted, but the non-portable, the core spiritual tradition is lost, is lost.

The portable knowledge transmission can be a good marketing department, understand can be a good marketing department but not the core intense truth. Meditation is not just replacement for your Anacin or Metacin. Yoga is not just a replacement for your Aspirin or back pain problems. It is not just replacement of your medication no it has more depth and sanctity than physical and mental health.

Only a person who has seen the truth by himself and who is interested in sharing that authentically can express the sanctity beyond the marketing aspect, the marketable, portable part of the tradition. I wanted to make a clear statement I stand for a non-portable, non-marketable, core truth. That is why naturally you will see less number but strong intense group around me. You will see more sannyasins (monks), less devotees.

Even devotees who are with me, I can’t even call them devotees, they are actually yet to become swamis that’s all. Yet to become swamis maybe some one or two things they are not able to jump, or maybe one or two things really not, understand there are two difficulties, psychological difficulties and physiological difficulties. They may be having some real physiological difficulties, a real wall standing in front of them, not otherwise. Otherwise everybody is waiting, when this will break, when this will end when that will happen that’s all.

Maybe some people because of their long years lived in the society maybe they are little afraid to live that tapas, that austere life around me, that may be one of the reasons. Again it’s a physical reason, not a psychological reason, a physical reason. Only this kind of one or two physical reasons I have seen people even if they catch cold, cough they can easily stay in nearby hotel near the Bangalore ashram, but they will say no let me stay. They will try at least two three days. Of course when they become sick I force them to go out and stay, means physical reason, not psychological reasons.

I have seen anybody who comes second time, if a person is coming second time to sit here and hear he is a seeker. He is coming third time then he is waiting to become a swami. Understand I wanted to make this statement very clear, I stand for authentic non-portable, non-marketable, that is another one big problem non-marketable.

Many people I have seen two three guys, they come and approach me, “Swamiji somehow we want to put some advertisements, do some fronting work.” I tell them, “Alright, try.” The moment they sit and study what we are doing, they get completely shaken and they say that Swamiji you cannot be marketed. Because for marketing there needs to be a branding and one clear special specialization, which one you will market?

If there is some specialization, one size, one branding, only yoga, or only rituals, or only meditation, or only life solutions, or only Ayurveda. Any one clear cut particular thing they can market. How will you market the ocean? You can market cruise and ships, you can market cruise trips, you can market ship but you can’t market the ocean. What will you do? How will you market? You can’t, and many people who try they just said no, nothing can be done, they disappear.

Understand non-marketable, that means non-portable truth you can’t market. See how much you try, you can never verbally express what you experienced. The moment you are not able to express what you experience, the marketing cannot happen. All marketing ends the moment you come third time. The third entry clearly proves no, marketing ends. All you can tell them is try once, try once, when you try to tell them that try at least come and experience once, without giving them the logical reason, they suspect you are hypnotized.

They suspect you are mesmerized, they suspect you have joined a cult. No these are the natural difficulties I am telling you. Understand because you do not have a logical word to tell people what you are going through. See the moment you are able to, only the portable things logically you can explain, portable things very easy to explain logically. But I am non-portable, true to the core of the tradition, so only a person who is authentically interested in experiencing can experience. Only that person will come again and again. Only that person will be back again and again.

One more thing, one important thing, out of this group who comes again and again, sits with the master, out of this group who become drop-outs, means who did not become enlightened, they will become gurus of the gurus who are selling the portable knowledge. Understand they will become gurus of the gurus who are selling the portable knowledge. It means a living enlightened being or person who is core to the tradition, core to the truth is not just guru of the seekers, he is guru of the gurus.

I tell you only the gurus will be attracted to me. The other day one of our disciples, a very big yoga teacher, he was telling me, “Swamiji just I cannot imagine your every discourse can become a separate three day workshop. It can be a core material for a three, four day workshop. Because if we go around either we conduct or we attend any workshop, what we get in that three, four days is the thread of one discourse.”

Means, where the tradition is alive in a non-portable way, a non-portable non-marketable truth, keeping it alive and letting people experience who want that is the essence of what I stand for, what I stand for. Understand even if you are a drop-out, means you tried, struggled, did not achieve. Even then be blissful and remember, pamper yourself, celebrate that you had authentic knowledge. You are with authentic part, you are in authentic tradition. You were in authentic presence of the proper being.

So that is why the teachings which I express needs real practice. That is why I make it very clear when ananda sutra does not click for you go for nithya sutra, start working. I am not interested in saying no, no it is okay, then just do ananda sutras, try. No. One more thing with this portable and non-portable, with portable knowledge you don’t need any lifestyle change, and a huge number will become followers. Nothing needs to be done, nothing needs to be done. You don’t have to be sincere about what you believe.

You can go on, believe one thing and you can go on do something else. No need for authenticity, weekend religions. Just go there for a weekend and have some little time this way that way and have some socializing, over. No even the Hindu temples have become weekend religion in USA. No, that way it is not going to work. Going to a temple in the weekend just to have some good friends and socialize, that is not the exact thing that is not what the Vedic tradition is all about.

Having a complete change, having a complete transformation in the lifestyle itself is the one, only way for authentic spiritual experience. If you just want to talk about spirituality, go on discussing about spirituality then no need for any transformation, no need for any change. You can carry on as you were doing then actually you don’t have to waste time here also.

Q. While we read books, web pages or watch TV or while working or while attending a business meeting or while teaching in a class or while writing or while doing household chores or while driving, please give inside techniques.

A. Understand nithya sutras are the sutras which you need to practice if you have this question. Nithya sutras are the sutras for doing all these things and practicing the technique. That is the right thing for you. Take up.

Q. What is the cause of impatience?

A. Just arrogance and ego nothing else. Impatience means what? You think you have already the quality to have that result but it is not happening. Maybe in the world, outer world, you may have some quality because of competition you are not having that result. But in the inner world do not bother, there is no competition, so God never makes you wait. Understand he only showers more than your qualification. In the inner world your impatience simply proves you are not qualified. So do you have any technique to develop patience? Just be patient that’s all. A simple understanding is more than enough.

Q. How to handle a situation when we consciously perceive or aware that the other person or should we say the other mind, desire plus fear, we interact in angry ego desire, fearful and ahankara (egoistic) state. Similarly how to handle above situation when we consciously perceive that our own self is in that any of that bad state.

A. One thing the moment you perceive your mind or the other mind he is in a bad shape that very perception is enough to awaken your spontaneity. Knowledge is power. Understand knowledge is power. Just continue to have that clarity to perceive, that is enough and trust that perception, you will be able to handle, you will never be a failure. When you don’t trust your perception, when you don’t trust that, your intelligence which perceives, that is when you ask this question. Do not bother about it. Just trust that perception and continue to intensify the energy to perceive that is enough.

Q. When we do jappa (chanting), do we narrow the gap between the thoughts?

A. Understand when it is done with awareness you narrow down the gap between the thought. I can say you start experiencing the gap between the thought. For example, namah shivaya, gap, conscious gap. Namah shivaya, conscious gap, means you are aware there is a gap. Then consciously, namah shivaya, this can lead to enlightenment because this will put you more and more aware of the gap. But when unconsciously done, namah shivaya, namah shivaya, namah shivaya, did you attend your morning routine, namah shivaya, I’ll call you back I’m just doing jappa, after ten minutes I’ll call you back, hey did you cut the vegetable, some smell is coming why don’t you see in the kitchen what is going on.

This is dangerous, understand makes you a split personality. No really, because one part of your mind will be constantly repeating something without awareness and the other part will be doing some work, and by and by you will see you will become a split personality. No. So jappa when it is done consciously it makes you experience the gap between thoughts, otherwise you miss the whole drama. I’ve seen really in Bharat, whole Bharat has suffered with this one mistake of jappa. That is why I am afraid to initiate people into mantra because by and by they forget. If I start initiating one person into mantra, everybody will stand for mantra because that is very easy.

With mantra you can go on cheating yourself and have an idea that you are doing a spiritual practice. But with nithya sutras if you do you can’t cheat yourself, you cannot unconsciously do nithya sutra because there is no mantra involved. There is no mantra involved. The problem is the moment I give mantra, first two days they also do consciously, but after a few days the greed starts becoming overpowering. Greed starts overpowering the intensity then mind starts saying I should do one lakh (one hundred thousand) times. I’ve seen people even get the counter namah shivaya, namah shivaya, namah shivaya, pressing the counter just for the sake of number.

Understand God is not sitting there and seeing your bank balance, how many jappa you did. How many times you repeated. Really people become mad and they start saying that sixteen mala (necklace of beads) today I counted Swamiji. Maybe it is good for cleaning the mala not for cleaning the mind, cleaning the mala not for cleaning the mind.

To tell you honestly the jappa is one of the important techniques I practiced. I used to have two malas in both hands, hundred and eight beads one mala and another one hundred and eight beads. I will sit on the cot, on my cot in the night time in the bed and put the mosquito curtain because Ramakrishna says in one of his stories, “A sattvic (pure spirited) seeker will sit inside the mosquito curtain secretly in the night and do jappa.” Even though there was no mosquitoes in the area where I was living, because Ramakrishna said this I bought a mosquito curtain and tied it and sat inside, verbatim following.

See Ramakrishna spoke about mosquito curtain because he was staying in a place where mosquitoes were there. Anyhow, and not only that I used to have a long hair, if I fall asleep I will wake up, there was no alarm clock, so I tied the hair with a rope on the cot so if I fall asleep I will wake up. I’ll tie that hair it’s a very long hair. See in Bharat the swamis they will have matted locks and people think that it’s something like a mystical to have the matted locks. Nothing if you don’t maintain for two months it will become like that that’s all. Just don’t maintain.

Naturally and not only there was no oil, I used to wander, the wandering time, walking period. So in those days naturally so much of dust will come and settle down you see. When the dust settles down it will become matted lock that’s all. Nothing else there is no mystery behind that hair except little dust and non maintaining way of living that’s all.

Anyhow so I’ll tie that thread with a hair and tie it with the cot. If I finish one round I’ll push one bead here, so by the time I finish this whole mala hundred and eight rounds I would have finished. Something like a hundred and eight into a hundred and eight, how much it goes? I don’t know that may be ten thousand. So by the time I finish the one full round of this hand mala it will become ten thousand.

By and by, by continuously doing this not one night or two night, every night if it becomes ten o’clock first thing I will do is get into the river where I was, if I am staying on the banks of a river, or if I am staying in some place, go to the bathroom and take bath, and I used to carry that mosquito curtain religiously, because you have to sit only inside mosquito curtain and meditate. Not only that mosquito curtain, small four poles to make that mosquito curtain stand, that is the cot. If I don’t have a cot that pole I will just put it and sit inside the curtain start doing.

Every night day in and day out, something like a maybe six to seven years I have practiced. Slowly, actually this realization which happened to me the credit goes to the great master Naga Baba with whom I had the fortune of sitting at his feet. Maybe I would have told the story about him, he would always smoke marijuana, and he was responsible. Slowly I realized that I mastered the art of sleeping and rolling the mala.

No really, understand I am telling you, because you need to avoid this danger. Because I have done what all should not be done I have the right to tell what all should be done. No really by and by the number became important. By the time I finish this hundred and eight mala and wake up I would have had a good sleep sitting. Because only in the initial level your body will co-operate, your mind will have fear about you. But your mind is so intelligent slowly it’ll create its own method, technique to survive all you. First it will try to possess you completely, if you are really adamant, stubborn it’ll come to some terms. It’ll at least make some agreement.

And without my knowledge I have made already agreement with my mind that moment I start the jappa and that rope which is tied so that I will not fall asleep has become like a stand that’s all. Nicely the body is resting but hands are moving the mala, and people are sleeping. Not the people, of course the person who is inside is sleeping. When I was trying to do this same drama in front of him all he did, he did not tell me anything, just one day when I was doing the same drama, he just pulled one stick of that mosquito curtain, he just pulled that one stick.

Actually when you pull one stick all three stick will fall on me, they fall inside. When that stick fell on me I suddenly woke up and realized I am sleeping, but the mala is rolling. The mala is rolling. Understand, actually this experience gave me the clarity that I should never initiate people into mantra.

There is a deeper version, the very authentic version, it is called vak, initiating into vak, means you are not supposed to repeat the mantra, you can just remember in this area. As if a ring is inserted into your throat. The master will study your mental set up, he will ask some questions and then give you a syllable, it will not be a mantra like a long thing, it will be just something maybe in one breath or two breath it will be done.

In one teacher’s training few of our disciples I gave them the vak, maybe some thirty or forty people, I gave them the vak. That time I had the time to explain about the vak. If you are fortunate enough to receive the vak do that, otherwise better to avoid mantras. That also is not supposed to be done like an unconscious repetition. I think that time I clearly gave the instruction during initiation. Just hold it like a, if you have taken some very sweet tasty chocolate or you have eaten something very sweet how you will try to hold that taste in the tongue, like how you hold that chewing gum or how you hold some mint in the tongue. Same way you have to hold that vak there that’s all.

Neither repeating nor trying to recite, see reciting, in a way reciting is nothing but a poetic repetition. That is why I never encourage at least the close disciples. In the initial level, see sometimes these guys if they don’t repeat the mantras they will be repeating their wife’s names, spouse name. That time I tell them even if it is unconscious okay repeat Rama Krishna, then anything else. So maybe I will compromise sometimes and allow, but if you ask me the solution I will always tell better to take up some nithya sutra or the vak, not the mantras. So avoid any mantra or any jappa.

Q. Taittiriya Upanishad when guru, one word I am not able to read, guru tells Bhrigu to search for where he came from and he found five koshas (sheaths), is this same technique as going beyond known which is discussed two days ago?

A. Going beyond the known will break the vijnanamaya kosha and anandamaya kosha, it does not break all five koshas. Understand it breaks the last two koshas, so naturally that will lead you to enlightenment and that’s more than enough. Sometimes breaking all these koshas one by one, one by one will be maybe more joyful, more enthusiastic, more exciting but that technique which I spoke two days ago will break only the vijnanamaya and the anandamaya, means the diseases related to vijnanamaya and anadamaya will be healed by that technique but not diseases related to manomaya and pranamaya and annamaya.

The disease of this non-enlightenment is the disease related to anandamaya kosha, so that will be surely healed so you can try.

Let’s enter into today’s sutra.

Each thing is perceived through knowing. The self shines in space through knowing. Perceive one being as knower and the known.

Let me repeat the sutra once more.

Each thing is perceived through knowing. The self shines in space through knowing. Perceive one being as knower and the known.

He means any experience just be intense. Even if you are here, be intense. People tell me if I am intensely in your presence then I feel your absence very intensely, miss you too much, what to do Swamiji. I tell them its okay, let that also be intense. One important thing I want to let you know I want you to know when you intensely feel the presence and intensely feel the absence be very clear the time to go beyond has come.

A very beautiful story in Bhagavatam, one gopika (cowherd girl), she was trying to go and listen to Krishna’s flute. Let me describe the whole scene then you will understand. Krishna is playing his flute in the forest, the sound is coming, the moment she hears the flute she could not keep herself away from him, she just want to run. She was cooking, the vessel dropped and fire is burning in the oven, she just ran to the door to run to the forest. In the door she saw the mother-in-law is sitting and combing the hair of sister-in-law. Sister-in-law is sitting there and mother-in-law is sitting and combing the hair.

In Bharat this is I can say some twelve hour job. Any time you walk through any village street you will see two ladies sitting and one combing the other’s hair. I don’t know how it will take twelve hours per day. No, daytime or night-time even late night sometimes. Because I lived in villages I really wonder, sometimes I used to think after finishing it immediately they remove and start to do it again. Maybe it’s like a spiritual practice for them. Hundred and eight times per day they will be doing. Maybe first they will do for this person and then she will do for this person and then after that person again will do for that person. It goes on and on maybe, each other they are doing for the other person. Maybe it feels very good when you are just massaging your head with a comb.

That’s what I was really surprised from the time of the Bhagavatam, the same scene. That is another one very funny thing, from the time of Bhagavatam same scene, fortunately not same persons. Anyhow wonderful story, she sees these two guys are sitting, and naturally they are not going to allow her to run. And they know what for she is running now, what for she is running.

Unfortunately all these gopikas are married. And she is just trying to cross them and go, but she also doesn’t have so much courage. In Bharat the daughter-in-laws were always supposed to be obedient to the mother-in-law traditionally. Of course only now it is little not that much, otherwise even now all daughter-in-laws will say, no, no Swamiji it is same. And all mother-in-laws will say no, no times have changed.

Anyhow this is an eternal war, is an eternal war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In this country it is a lot less because here people feel lonely and only once in a while they meet each other and not only that the in-laws only do the baby sitting work which is very nice thing.

Anyhow understand the story says, it is such a wonderful description, because both of them were sitting she is not able to cross them and go out, she is just holding that room door ceiling. She is just holding that room door, the room in which she is standing, she is just holding that ceiling and that Suka, Sukabrahma, a great poet, he is describing her hair.

See the hair is the unconscious part. Hair cannot be controlled, that is flowing towards Krishna’s flute, but bone, body structure is pulling inside the house. Body is conscious part. You can control. So that is afraid of in-laws, so that is stopping her, means that is not moving, that is going inside the home back. But the hair is unconscious part that cannot be controlled, so that is just flying straight away towards Krishna with no air. Without any air, there is no air, there is no breeze but her hair is flowing towards Krishna.

The next description is the real amazing description. He says the intense desire to go and be in the presence of Krishna, the wonderful memory, the beautiful reminiscence that taste, one moment she is going through that, the next moment the intense fear and the misery of his absence, the suffering of his absence. Sukabrahma very beautifully writes within three kshanas (time between thoughts) she became enlightened. And he describes beautifully because of her intense joy when she reminisced the experience of being with Krishna, because of her intense joy she exhausted all her punyas (merits). Because she had that fear and suffering, the suffering of his absence, fear unable to cross the in-laws she exhausted all her paapas, sins. She finished all her sin and merit just holding that door ceiling, no more karma left and she became enlightened.

Understand do not be afraid to enjoy the presence of the master intensely because of the fear of missing. No, you will exhaust all the punya, let the suffering happen you will exhaust all the paapa, sin, and achieve enlightenment.

Understand this is one of the, I can say very big click happened to me. Because I used to enjoy this ritualistic worship so much. Understand I never, ever not only logically, even unconsciously thought that deities are representation of God. I always felt they are living. From the young age, never ever thought I am doing this as a technique for enlightenment, that is the great thing, God saved me. That time I did not know about enlightenment. That time I did not develop a logic I am doing this rituals and puja (worship) everyday so that God will give me enlightenment one day. That foolish nonsense was not on my head. All I know is here is a deity I have to take care that’s all. Here is God I have to attend, over that’s all.

I had the fortune of sitting with my grandfather, around eighty two years, not a single day he missed the morning puja. I don’t know whether he had the idea of enlightenment or anything. That I don’t know, but his sincerity, just such an amazing sincerity that has gone into my head, that has gone into my system. From the time I can remember, the moment I started thinking I remember early morning unless you come and sit in front of his puja, I will not feel that day is going smooth.

Anything happens if I lose my pencil or pen I will think today I did not attend the puja. So it was life and after some time because the very inner self was enjoying it becomes such a big joy. When I started studying this Vedanta and all after the age of fifteen or sixteen, I always used to have fear, these vedantis (followers of Vedanta) dry fellows. No really dry idiots, the worst idiots on the planet earth. Having knowledge of Vedanta but not having experience of Vedanta, worst problem.

It’s like the person is half way in the surgery and its practically like half way in the surgery. The problem is at least in surgery you are unconscious, you will not disturb the others. Here these fellows who are not yet become enlightened but who have the knowledge of Vedanta, they don’t keep quiet. They are not under anesthesia, and if somebody does that job it will be great. Anyhow, not only they don’t have anesthesia, they go on vomiting everything on everybody.

I was caught by this fear of vedantis. Sometimes I used to wonder what is this, these guys are slowly trying to take away these rituals and puja from me, and unfortunately I entered into one organization also. I don’t want to name that organization. In that organization you are not allowed to do puja and all. You have to only morning till evening you have to sit in front of them, they will shout something, and not that too many people will be attending their classes and lectures.

Some old ladies who don’t have fan in their house will come and sit in that hall as there will be fan and a/c in that hall. No really, if you switch off the fan or switch off the a/c that person will not come. No how I discovered you know one day that Swami who was supposed to be taking the classes regularly he used to take some Ramayana some Patanjali Yoga sutra. And I am the only person who will go and sit because all junior brahmacharis (celibate monks) have to come and sit it’s like a compulsory. I’ll go and sit.

I saw two elderly people every day coming and sitting, attending his discourse regularly. I was really surprised because after the moment they come and sit few minutes it will all be pouring all over and they will just be sitting. Once the lecture is over I have to go and wake them up, that is my regular duty. Then they will get up, ah, nice, and by that time the swami would have left already, and they will not even get up and come for blessing or anything.

After a few days one day they told me tomorrow we will not be coming. I said “Why?” “No in the newspaper they said tomorrow power cut.” In Bharat power cut means they will announce. Tomorrow there will be power cut and the fan and a/c will not be running. I just got a shock I asked them, “What do you mean by it?” They said yes every day you see in our house there is no a/c or fan, small house nearby. We usually think that evening it’s a nice place to sit and sleep and go, nobody disturbs us. Few can attend only like this, dry lectures, nothing juicy or living.

So I used to think, these guys are taking away the joy, so I should slowly disconnect myself from the vigraha puja or the deity worship. One day in the puja itself I prayed, see what to do, should I give up the puja, what to do? Because the separation is creating too much pain, then the beautiful answer. You may call it the divine replied or my own intuition, or my own courage or whatever you may call it. For me it is surely reply, response from the mother, mother divine from whom I was praying. To whom I was praying, very strong response, do not bother to give up, do not bother to give up the worship, continue this. If you want give up the organization. That night I ran away. I left the organization running I decided this is not the place for me.

After, understand this is the important thing, after a few years of worship, same way, same strong clear voice, now it is time drop the worship. I did not feel it is the time, I had the strong connection and I was enjoying, but because the command is from inside, strong, I had to drop, I dropped.

First few days it was such pain, missing, and I saw after few days a big breakthrough or opening the consciousness happened. How you know, the memory or the reminiscence of the joy of worship exhausted the punya, and the missing and the suffering exhausted the sins, paapa, and the breakthrough into a higher level, different level consciousness happened. Do not bother about missing it’ll only lead to higher and higher.

This sutra is all about be intense, be intense, when you are intense in the knowing. See now at present you know me. If you are intense in my presence, then knowing may become loving, understand the love will bring the suffering when you are not around. That suffering will exhaust the rajas (activity) and tamas (inertia), that suffering will just because there will be suffering of missing many people do not even come to the level of loving.

I have seen, I have seen many people, no, no, no if you go with these gurus and all you may get attached and then your whole life is gone. Many people they think and postpone they do not understand they are missing the whole dimension of their life. It’s like no, no, no, if you learn flying, sometime you may fall then it’s dangerous. In that case even if you learn walking you may fall who knows.

If you learn breathing there is every danger one day you may stop breathing who knows. Why to go on breathing, because one day you may stop, or one day it may be stopped. Why go on breathing. Fear of love is nothing but the fear of enlightenment. If you have that love being very clear about even if I miss and suffering happens it’s okay, ready to live, ready to go through. You will see the knowing becomes a bridge and becomes enlightenment as Mahadeva (Shiva) says, knower and known becomes one.

Understand, as long as you are just knowing the introduction has happened, when you become loving the relationship has started, when you are ready to go through the suffering of the other side of loving. In the presence only the loving to happen, in the absence the suffering will be there. Understand when you are courageous enough to go through that suffering you will have something deeper than loving and suffering.

That is what Mahadeva says here, knower and known. I have seen many people they are afraid to fall in tune because once you fall in tune it becomes like you are dependent on me, sometimes if I keep you away from me or if I keep my distance the suffering becomes too much. Just because of the fear of the suffering of keeping away people don’t fall in love. Whenever I keep away understand I am letting you go through that sin and exhaust so that the breaking of knowing and the known will start happening. The knowing and the known will start happening.

I have seen whenever I keep somebody and if that person is ready to go through that absence, simply when he comes out he comes out as a new person because he experiences the known and the knower, known and the knower. Understand it’s a very powerful, very powerful sutra, I can say again this is ananda sutra. Its not nithya sutra, you don’t need to practice anything, you need to remember, internalize and remember and clear away your doubts, and just courageously live it.

If you have the doubts that if I fall in tune too much for some reason if he keeps me away or if I keep me away. Sometimes I may keep you away, sometimes you may keep you away then that suffering will be too much. If you have that fear, drop that. That is what exactly Mahadeva means in this sutra.

Let me narrate one of my experience of how I was kept away, it’s a very funny story. Again it’s a very wonderful story. Before that one small story from Ramana Maharshi, Ramana Maharshi wrote a very beautiful poem on Arunachala. It’s called Bridal Garland of Letters. In mathura bhava, you cannot imagine this old man with cowpi (loincloth) singing mathura bhava, and Shiva, great vedanti. He is singing towards Shiva in mathura bhava. Mathura bhava means the attitude of beloved.

And such a beautiful so tasty, so juicy his songs, somebody asks why don’t you explain, give the meaning for that song. Then Ramana Maharshi says even listening to that song is too much, we shouldn’t have even printed because it is my personal love letter. It is too personal I shouldn’t have, you guys shouldn’t have even read, now asking for meaning is too much it is not possible.

Then that same disciple asks, we shouldn’t have even read then why did you allow them to print? Then Ramana Maharshi beautifully says I allowed trusting the person who has become me only will be able to read and understand. Understand even second person cannot read this book I am letting you read this book because I trust you have become me. You are completely in tune with me.

You understand, you are able to understand these words putting yourself in my place, in my shoes, in my space. Understand I want you all to know this story, because the story which I am going to tell, only if you put yourself in my place and see you will be able to understand. This is also a same love story. It cannot be told to a person who is an outsider. No it is too personal. It is too personal. If somebody comes and asks you about your honeymoon experience you can’t tell. Only if he is a really close friend that close friend you will be able to talk, not otherwise. Otherwise you can’t talk about your honeymoon experience.

Same way this is a very intimate, maybe I can say honey sun experience, because it never goes away, honey sun experience. Many sadhus (ascetic) and sannyasis will come and go in my native place Arunachala. Whenever I see any sadhu my first job is to catch hold of them and try to learn something from them and serve them whatever way I can. One day behind the Arunachaleshwar temple there is a small mandapa, like a four pillared hall and below that like a cave there used to be an entrance. One day I saw one sadhu coming out of that place. It is not like a big entrance, a small entrance. I used to think it is an entrance, very dark cave kind of a structure. One very young sadhu, very bright shining, all the great qualities of that tejas, spiritual illumination, I can see.

He came out and the moment I saw him I touched his feet and started talking to him and he was sitting and talking with me, felt really connected, very connected in two three days itself. Then it became like my routine, every day I’ll come, because that is the way I have to go to the school.

In Bharat the attendance will be given in the class seeing your school bag. The moment kids enter they will all go to the prayer leaving the school bag in the classroom. The teacher will come and see the school bags and not the teacher actually, attendant. The watchman will come and see the school bags. If that bag is not there the watchman will go to the house and bring that boy. There will be two three people just for this purpose. If the school bag is not there they know the child is not there. They will go to that house and bring that child.

And to avoid this drama of the watchman going to my school I will send my bag with one of my classmate. This fellow there is an agreement, there is an agreement and after, this happened after my first experience. I can say around that area. Maybe I do not know exactly remember after or before the first experience around that area.

Morning the moment I come out of my house saying that I am going to the school, on the way I will go to his house and hand over the bag, and his responsibility is he has to keep that bag in my chair exactly and see that the watchman takes the accounts, counts that I am in the school so that he will not go to the house to bring me.

And in return I have to return a favor, those days I had these small, small like miracle powers. I’ll materialize and give some chocolates and maybe from few of the swamis with whom I lived, I picked up some of these kinds of small, small siddhis (powers). And if he has not done the homework that day I have to make the mathematics teacher fall sick. No he’ll come and tell, today I have not done, written my records, take care that the math teacher doesn’t come to the school. Alright let him have diarrhea, alright he will have diarrhea.

So these kinds of small, small favor I have to do for him, and we both had a good understanding. And one nice thing this guy did one nice thing very rare thing even I was surprised. He kept diary of his happenings with me now we are publishing that. Of course we are translating that into English also and publishing. Just if you read and enjoy it will be such an amazing story remembrance. He says how many every time whatever he asked and whatever I made it happen and whatever did not happen, everything he has accounts and he has a diary.

Very funny thing, if you read my biography you will see three, my own diary reprint my own diary is reproduced in that biography. That actually we got from him, he was storing he was preserving my diary and his diary both. We got from him. Some of his diary also few lines are translated and published in the Nithyananda Volume 1. Now we are trying to bring out the whole diary, we are trying to publish.

Anyhow this is the deal and everyday morning I will come out and give the notebook to him. He will take it and keep it and attendance will be given in the school, but I will not be in the school. I will be sitting with this sadhu. I will come to this sadhu and sitting with the sadhu. This sadhu, so deeply felt connected almost become like a closest relationship, closest relation.

There’s a very beautiful Upanishidic story I think, should I continue or will you all have dinner and come back. I’ll continue, its okay one day dinner you can have little late. Such a wonderful story especially this sutra will become completely reality for you with this one story if you understand. Because it’s a solid experience, not only that now itself I tell you this authentic experience coming from the source even if you have problem with your logic believing it, don’t bother you will see the trust happens in you. You will see that the effect of this truth.

Whenever you listen to the great truths, there will be effect inside you happening. Now I tell you, usually if you believe that only then that effect will happen in you. Now again I tell you, you don’t have to bother because it is coming from the authentic direct source which has experienced even if you don’t believe, even if you are fighting with your logic to believe don’t bother that effect will happen in you. That effect will happen in you.

It was such a sweet relationship it become a very closest, sweet relationship, very strong relationship. Everyday I’ll throw the bag and come and sit with him, he will be talking something, so many different things and once it becomes little evening then I’ll tell alright I’m going to the home, then he will tell okay and he will enter into the cave back. Again next day when I come back I’ll see him, I’ll call oh swami I’ll shout and then he will come out and we will sit and talk.

There’s a very beautiful Upanishadic story. There was a small bird sitting on a tree and eating bitter fruits and sweet fruits. When he eats the bitter fruit it feels suffering and pain. When it eats the sweet fruits it feels the joy. There was another one big bird sitting just above the tree, little higher branch, that bird was neither eating nor spitting, no pain no pleasure, he was just sitting.

This small bird who was sometimes eating the sweet and sometimes eating the bitter fruit, whenever he eats the bitter fruits he will say oh life is pain, its pain and he will just look up and see that bird. He says oh God see that bird is so peaceful, quiet, not having pain like me, let me go to that bird. He will slowly start going towards that bird. After few minutes he will get tempted by the sweet fruits and he’ll eat the sweet fruit. By the time he starts eating the sweet fruits he will stop going towards that bird.

He will eat that sweet fruit, oh it looks so sweet so tasty and he will continue to eat next, next, next and he will land on bitter fruit. After two three sweet fruit naturally he will land on bitter fruit. Then immediately he will remember no, no, no life is pain I am suffering I have to go back, then he will again look up and start going near that bird, that big bird.

And the story says like this, like this jumping, jumping, jumping, jumping, jumping wasted something like a few hundred years, few janmas (lives) the bird finally when it really tasted a worst fruit, maybe cooked by the spouse and he said no, no more opening the mouth, enough, done and the ultimate frustration he spits that, what was in his mouth and takes a strong decision, goes near that big bird to be with that bird itself.

When he went near that bird and touched suddenly this small bird realized the aura or the energy around that big bird slowly engulf him, imbibing this small bird also. Slowly, slowly, slowly he saw he is not a separate bird he was just a shadow of that big bird. He was always thinking he was a separate bird but he was never a separate bird, the moment he realized that the shadow disappeared into the big bird.

It’s a wonderful Upanishadic story. I can say what the relationship was between that small bird and the big bird and how intense it would have been, I can say exact relationship was between me and that swami. It was a very powerful relationship. Many times I feel like why sun set happened I have to go back to the house. I have to go back to the house.

So one day finally I cried to him, see I have to go back every day I don’t want to leave why don’t you let me stay with you? Staying with me? Do you know I am a swami? I said I will also become swami, and he laughed. He said alright I will give you sannyas (priesthood). I did not understand sannyas this that all those things, all I know is he promised that I can stay with him, over. It was such deep relationship I was ready.

Next day he told me to come next day I went all prepared everything means mentally prepared and ready. First time he called me to come inside his cave. He opened the cave and called me inside, I went inside and its something like a, he took me to some places, we went this side that side, suddenly I saw there was an opening to go out and huge banyan tree under which some of the swamis, elderly swamis are sitting, maybe his disciples, I didn’t understand. He straight went and sat in his seat, his seat was vacant all the old disciples were sitting below.

His seat was vacant and I clearly able to understand he is the guru, because the body language of the other persons showed he is the guru. Young guy, young shining with a rudraksha (sacred beads) and kavi (saffron robe) and jatta (matted locks) means the hair. Straight went and sat in his seat, and the moment he sat I fell at his feet and I also sat. Then he just introduced means like he told this boy is from our place he wants sannyas that’s why I brought him here today. Then all the elderly sadhus they all smiled and welcomed me like a receiving, accepting into the family, something like that, their body language was.

Then few of them were very casually sharing one or two words with me and suddenly I saw that one sadhu, an elderly sadhu was asked to bring a kavi. One kavi was brought, this orange robe and that person, the swami, main swami, young swami, the guru he just gave that kavi to me and it was such a joy, such an ecstasy to receive kavi, I just took it. Took it and fell at the feet, he blessed and gave the energy darshan (vision) very strong experience in ecstasy.

He told alright lets go back, I said ok, he brought me back and same way he opened the cave and I came out and he said alright now we will see you tomorrow. I said I wanted to be with you that’s why I took sannyas, he said no, no it’s okay, just for few days you just live around here and there I will be with you don’t bother about it. I thought I don’t want to push too much I thought maybe whatever he says must be right, anyhow I just left it.

Straight went to the place where my inspiration, one of my great inspiration, one of my acharya (teacher), Kuppamal was staying. If you read the biography you will see her, photograph, I went to her place where she was staying and I told her amma, amma, (mother) one swami gave me sannyas and gave me this kavi. It was simple transaction, I told her. She had the shock of her life, what, you got sannyas? She knows the meaning, depth of it you got the sannyas, who gave you?

She thought somebody, these sadhus are usually some rumors used to be like sadhus will give the sannyas for young kids and take them away. She thought somebody is trying to do that same thing with me and she told me show me who is that person. I just thought what is there alright come let’s go I’ll show you, I took her to the temple.

Took her into the temple, to the same place where every day I will meet him, meet that swami. I went there and stood and shouted swami, swami, there was no reply. She asked me, hey what are you standing here and shouting. Whom you are calling? I told no, I am calling that swami because he stays in this cave only he will come out and talk to me.

Then she said, fool, what are you talking who is staying there and where is the cave? I said no, no everyday the swami will come from here only I used to sit and talk to him. He took me inside his cave and gave the kavi. Now only I called he will come, wait. We waited for some more time but nobody came. I shouted again, swami, swami.

She started suspecting that I stole the cloth from somewhere. See she did not even suspect that really some swami gave me. First thing she started suspecting is I stole that cloth from some shop. See in Bharat if kids steal and all they will be beaten, and now I am afraid of the punishment so I am telling some stories, that’s what first she thought. And she asked, hey tell me clearly, from which shop you stole the cloth?

I said no I have not stolen, this swami gave. Then she asked what, did you give any money to that swami? Or did that swami wanted to take you with him? I said no, no I only wanted to go with him but he is not taking me. He did not keep me, keep me with him and she started digging. I felt why is she because she is a very loving lady, very loving. Never like an enquiring type or forcing. But here I saw her face totally different.

She is enquiring and literally trying to get information out of my mouth, totally agitated. And I told her no, that swami came from here and gave me the cloth. Then she just, she is not the person who will beat me and all, she took my ears still I remember. The ears only they will hold the kids in Bharat. She just dragged me with my ears and in front of that small opening where I used to see him coming out she just said, to whom are you lying?

See first of all there is no opening. First time I put my hand on the stone and pushed and saw, it is not opening just a small cave kind of a door that’s all. It was a big shock means there is neither cave nor door nobody can go inside or come out. Understand I am talking exactly as it happened. Again I promise this is the truth, nothing but truth. Shock, this shock was too big shock even for me, I started crying.

The tears started rolling because now it became like I am telling a lie and she started telling me that somewhere you have stolen this cloth or something is, you are trying to hide something big. Then I started justifying if I have to hide why will I come and tell you, show you this cloth? I am crying. Then she said that call that swami. Then I shouted I started shouting why are you not coming? See she is blaming me that I am a liar, and suddenly I understood not only he is not coming and he is not going to appear now. He is not going to come out now.

Anyhow she warned me, you have to tell me the truth within twenty-four hours. Don’t try to tell all these stories to me and that’s all, we moved out. Again I came back to that same place and cried but that person, nobody came out. Another one big thing happened to me, inside me was, I felt like I shouldn’t have told this to her, because I told this to her only that swami is not coming out.

I felt like my intimate relationship with him I brought the third person, third person is now involved. So that big confusion and fear, but she is very intelligent. She was just waiting to see what I would do. She saw again, she saw that again I am coming back to that same place by avoiding her. After some time I told her I am going back and I came back to the same place.

She followed me secretly to see where I am going. She came and she was standing behind, and she saw that I am honest in my words because I am telling the same thing even knowing that, without even knowing that she is around me. That is the scene. Then she said see now I really feel what you are saying has something otherwise you do not know I am standing behind but you are talking to him you are telling him something.

Tell me the truth, who came, how did he look, what is his name? All I did is I described this is the way he used to open the stone and come out. He was looking young wearing rudraksha and jatta, shining bright young swami with kavi. She asked me, what is the name he told you? I said oh name, when I asked him he told Arunagiri Yogeshwar. That’s all, that one word she is my grandmother’s age and my inspiration, acharya, practically guru, she fell at my feet and cried because Arunagiri Yogeshwara was Shiva himself, his samadhi (burial site) is there under that ground.

From the cave where I used to see him everyday traditionally, not only it is believed, his samadhi is there under the cave. She knows it, she knows. I never know that samadhi is there under that cave. It was shock she fell flat at the feet and cried oh God people are waiting to see, people are waiting to have one glimpse and here he is coming out and playing with you, played with you.

Maybe at least six to nine month relationship, six to nine months, based on the attendance I calculated. Later on we took out the date, fortunately we got the school attendance record, from there we picked up how many days I bunked. No with that we were able to take out the time and date. It was nine month relationship.

She started weeping profusely and people are just waiting and meditating, here he played with you, lived with you. And she touched that cloth and took that cloth and literally rolled on that cloth. Still we have that cloth in the ashram. I sent the bit of that cloth for scientific research because that cloth is not made out of any physical material did not become cloth. Usually cotton will become thread, thread will become cloth. But this cloth has not come out of the physical plane. Understand it has not come out of the physical plane it has come out of the different plane.

One of our close disciples was explaining to me, he took that piece of cloth and tested all possible tests, whatever they know. They say this material we don’t know what material this is. Still they are not able to make out what material, but still we are trying to do some more researches before opening it to public. But still the cloth is there.

She was rolling, crying, this is one side. For me it was a very big missing. That I felt like I lost him just because of my big mouth. Never expected this kind of a turn in such a deep relationship, it was such a suffering. Understand I can’t narrate the suffering, I can’t narrate the suffering it was very deep suffering. What to say that it was practically like some part of you missing, that kind of suffering.

Anyhow it became very late in the evening, they started cleaning the temple. That day still I clearly remember because December 31st early morning they have to open. In Bharat also January 1st is very popular because early morning big crowd will come for the darshan. So they will clean the temple night itself and prepare and do all the things ready and from the very late night the huge crowd will stand in the line queue for darshan.

So they started cleaning the place and driven us all out telling that go out, go out, go out. And we came out she told me alright go and rest we will talk later on. Anyhow she went to rest but I was not able to rest, a deep suffering, deep pain and I ran to the temple back. The watchman the guys who are cleaning they are all very close friends because I used to do lot of volunteer service for them.

I told I will clean. You see actually when they clean you have to hold the pipe, the hose pipe for that some kids are required. For that they can’t get a labor, you see it’s not an official job you don’t need any skill for that job. So they will get all these volunteer kids for holding the pipe. Only for cleaning the floor you need a skilled person, labor. So they will not get a paid worker for that. They will ask us to stand with the pipe, to put the water.

So I went back with this reason, the reason that I will do some service. I got into the inside of the temple because late night they will not allow people into the temple. Into the temple and straight went to that same place where I used to have his darshan.

Started weeping profusely, crying that I will not tell her anymore all that childhood logic, childish logic. I did a big mistake by telling her and please come out and don’t be angry I wanted to see you at least once more. I’ll not do this mistake anymore, save me. Just come and if I see once more also, that’s enough. I’ll know at least that you are not angry with me. You don’t have to keep me so close because I know I have done a mistake but at least let me know you are not angry with me.

It was such an intense pain and suffering, cried, cried, cried, wept. I can say the whole being was weeping. At one point tears dry, there was no emotion even to weep. If there is only suffering or emotion you can weep, even that is exhausted. Over, everything is over. Nothing more can be done. There is neither, you see when you remember that reminiscence of the loving relationship, the joy will come. When you remember that pain you lost it, the pain will come naturally.

The pain is over. As long as that joy is there only the pain will be there, if the pain is there the joy will be there, both are interconnected. When the pain is exhausted joy is also exhausted, that memory is not there. It has become very faded. I cried enough and finished, almost I can say what that gopika had.

The remembrance of that joyful relationship exhausted all the punya means the merit and the suffering that I missed or I betrayed, that is the idea I had. I really felt that I betrayed, that I told what his relationship or what he gave me to somebody else, like a feeling of that betrayal. So that suffering because of that idea that I betrayed, the suffering which came that took away all the sins, paapa over.

Cried, over, everything is done, there was neither that joy of the relationship nor the feeling that suffering that I missed, complete blankness. Slowly I got up from the place, I thought at least I am in the temple let me go to the main shrine and have darshan. See the main shrine is shivalinga like that replica of our Anandeshwara. Our Anandeshwara is replica of that deity that shivalinga is there, just behind only is samadhi.

Maybe through that way they brought the body and put it under the shivalinga. That’s like the opening that was the cave. So I was lying there only, then I came out, thought at least will go and see the Shiva, means the temple. At least I’ll have, even now she did not tell me whatever I saw is extraordinary or whom I saw is somebody extraordinary, no, no idea, understand. She fell at my feet and touched that cloth and cried everything and went away.

She did not tell me anything. I thought maybe she is going through something I left it and I was afraid to ask her anything. I was afraid to ask her anything because she’s already I’m in the mood of defending me from her, I’m not in the mood of asking her anything. When I told even the name Arunagiri Yogeshwara she did not tell me anything. This later on I came to know that is Shiva’s samadhi this that and all those things. Anyhow she did not tell me anything.

After that whole thing is over suffering, finally something like after you really cried there will be a kind of silence in you that kind of a mood. I slowly walked up to the main shrine, the sanctum sanctorum and went there stood there. Started praying to Shiva, Shiva I cheated one sadhu, betrayed one sadhu, one swami, because no idea to whom I am praying or to whom I saw or anything.

I cheated one swami, please forgive me it was such a wonderful feeling of relationship I missed, please do something. Intensely I was praying. Prayed and opened my eyes. Opened my eyes I saw the same sadhu sitting in the shivalingam, in the garba mandir (womb), in the temple. It was such a clear, understand, not feeling, clear experience. I know I am he, he is me. Thank you.