“Dear Swamiji, yesterday you talked about internal and external…”

Dear Swamiji, yesterday you talked about internal and external wondering. I understood external wondering as moving from the past to the future, just in the mind. Please correct me if I misunderstood. However I am not sure if I understood internal wondering is all about. Is it the association with what we identify as ourself, our language, our names, our profession, et cetera. Please help.

Swamiji: Any thought which happens in you, which you do not identify as a external wondering, which you do not think as external wondering, which you are not able to catch it as external wondering immediately, is internal wondering. Internal wondering can be classified step by step. First, any thought which comes when while your eyes are closed can be classified as an internal wondering. After that if you slowly start looking deeply, then you will see the thoughts which flows inside you related to the out, outside objects will become external wandering, but the identity which you carry will become internal wondering. It's like a, the more subtle you became, the more deeper you go, you will catch the deeper and deeper layers of internal wanderings.

As of now, for some people, the thoughts related to outside will be external. When you close your eyes whatever goes on inside can be internal. But after few days of practicing, even inside, you will see many thoughts are external, you will reach the deeper and deeper layers of internal wondering. Whether it is internal or external wondering is wondering. Any thought, any movement, you have to relax, you have to move out of it. In the beginning whatever you think as external wondering will surely, slowly, you will realize they are all internal wondering. Or in the beginning whatever you think as intern, internal wondering, slowly you’ll start seeing they are all external wanderings. It's comparison, comparative zone. The more you go subtle and subtle, even your name will look like a external wondering. Even your name will look like external wondering. And beyond your name, the conditioning will be about your form, that is why whole world is so much obsessed about the beauty. That is the subtlest condition, conditioning. The idea which is put inside your head about how you should look, or how people should perceive you, is one of the very subtle… I can say subtlest conditioning. That wondering, that conditioning is one of the subtlest internal wondering. You will be able to catch that, you will be able to catch that thief only by going to the deeper and deeper zones. All you need is pure awareness, and the real true seeking. Not professional seeking to answer others.

I’ll, I can give a small story about this seeking for the sake of others. Three different countries’ police departments were bragging about their ability to catch criminals. Very developed country, first country came and said, “We can catch anybody.” Of course, the other two also started claiming, “We can catch anybody.” There was a decision made. They will leave some rabbits in the forest. Whoever brings those rabbits back, they will be given the credit, or they will be given the price, that they are very intelligent police department. The first country went inside - put the cameras, motion sound recording systems; enough of instruments have been used. Anyhow, they came out after three months and said, “Tsk, we are not able to. No. We missed.” And second batch, second country came. They went and tried they are best. Finally they burnt the whole forest, but even then they were not able to catch. They came back and said, “We missed.” Third, maybe Bharatn police department. I do not know. They went inside, came back within two hours, leading a bear through the ears, badly beaten. And the bear say, “Okay, okay, I am the rabbit. Okay, okay, I am the rabbit.” Understand, if you are seeking for the sake of answering, you will end up only here.

Even your in, internal seeking, if it is for the sake of pure seeking, the intense honest seeking; the attitude of real scientist, who is constantly ready to go into the new zones; who is constantly ready to change his opinions and ideas about the truth... See actually, why seeking is so difficult you know? Because your whole idea about you, world and God will change, when your idea about you and the world changes. You may have to take many decisions to update your life. Constantly doing research, exploring your inner space for truth, and tuning your life towards the truth; making yourself feel connected, fall in tune to the truth which you discovered - that is the true seeker. That is why seeking seems to be such a difficult thing, because you cannot be settled. A normal mediocre mind always wants a settled life. That is why whenever husbands are attending regularly the spiritual classes, wives are fright, frightened. Wives are attending too much regularly and wearing these mala and bracelet, husbands are frightened. Because now it is not going to be the so-called regular. It is going to be discovering, it is going to be new, it is going to be changing your desires, your fears, your decisions, your moods. Your whole thing is going to change. It's like you are entering into the forest of truth. What you will discover, how you will change, is naturally going to... really shake the person who is living around you. Life is not going to be so-called normal or the routine. It is not going to be predictable.

That is why seeking seems to be very difficult, or people are afraid of seeking. I tell you, seeking is a great adventure, unimaginable adventure, but whoever missed that, they missed the very life itself. Let me define exactly the word “seeking.” Seeking means, entering into the silence which is constantly available to you inside, which is constantly inviting you to come and experience inside. And, through that seeking, whatever decisions, whatever understandings revealed to you, making those understandings and revelations as a reality in your life by putting your life in tune with the seeking. That is why I was telling yesterday, only the religion which you discovered, will be the truth for your life, will be the path for your life, will give you the deep fulfillment; not the religion which was put inside your head... surely the concept which was put inside your head and which you did not even think twice. No. Only the true seeking. Actually, when you unclutch and start doing research and development inside your inner space, I wanted all of you to know an important thing - meditation is not trying to silence yourself. If you are trying to silence yourself, you will only feel frustrated. Meditation is actually a seeking, travelling towards some center, traveling towards the deeper silence, peace, which exists in you.

When you travel towards that peace, towards that center, towards that silence, you may experience a strong clarity landing on you. That is called Sat - truth. Or strong awareness about something which is going to happen or which happened. A new look may happen to you. That is called Chit. Or a strong ecstasy or relief or feeling relaxed or the freedom may open up to you. That is called Ananda. All these three will be constantly happening in you when you start seeking, when you start going into the meditation. Meditation is not silencing your mind. It is exploring into the reality, into the truth, into the satya. The internal or external, this idea will constantly get refined. Today what looks like internal, tomorrow the same thought will become external. It’s like a how deep you’ve gone from the physical layer. If you see, if you are usually we will all be in the physical layer. That is where depression happens. If you are experiencing depression and lethargy, we are in physical layer. In the physical layer: external means desires related to senses; something you want to eat, something you want to listen, something you want to touch. This can be called as external. And, name and fame or subtle joys, like a acknowledged by people - all these things can be called as internal.

But when you go to the subtler and subtle layers, deeper - the mental layer or the etheric layer, the even the name and fame will look like a external wandering. And just remembrance of your identity, your name and form can become internal wondering. Means, you are becoming very subtle and subtler. Subtle and subtler. We need to look little deeply, then you will see any moment will become external wondering. Only the deep peace which you experience will be internal, no wondering. Whether it is internal or external, that idea will constantly get updated, get changed. See here what I am trying to do, I am constantly using different words on inspiring you to go into that inner space and start seeking, that's all. I cannot give you the truth. If I give you the truth, it’ll again become one more religion, which is not directly useful to you. Only when you discover, when you explore, that led music to your life, joy to your very being and ecstasy to your energy, exert ecstasy to your existence. Anything discovered adds joy, juice. All you need to do, I can say that essence of this whole thing - explore in your inner space. Sit, use your maximum ability not to let any thoughts or any movements to happen. Go into the deeper and deeper and deeper layers of silence, you will see so many things opening up, so many things happening. That is the essence of the Mahadeva Sutra, the yesterday sutra. 17:02

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