“It's like a..”

It's like a.. Have you seen the kids playing with the playing cards, they will build big castles with a just playing cards, with playing cards they build castles, have you seen? But kids are intelligent. They build their castles with their own cards. What you do? We build our personality with other’s certificates. Just as the kids build their castles with playing cards, we build our personalities with other’s certificates. If somebody says you are obedient, we collect that idea.

From the young age we collected all the ideas of the society. Whatever others decide about us. If somebody says you are a good person, we collect that idea. If somebody says you are very intelligent, we collect that idea. If somebody says you are smart, we collect. If somebody says you are dark, we collect, somebody says you are beautiful, we get that idea. If somebody says you are not beautiful, we collect every idea. And totality of that idea, the plus, minus, everything we put together.

We come to opinion about ourselves from the other’s ideas. If we receive ten opinions from ten persons, we put together everything and create an idea about ourselves from these ten opinions. Be very clear, because you do not know about yourself, you are not centered on you. You understand about you from other’s opinion.

There is a small research done by Chicago University. Beautiful research. One day morning, early morning, young man is going to his office. When he came out of his house, the man was standing just in front of his house asked him: “You look so tired. Why are you going to the office? Why don’t you rest?” He said: “No,no. I’m quite ok. I’m alright.”

He went to the bus stop. In bus stop there was one more person. One of his friend asked: “You look so tired, why don’t you go and rest? Why should you want to go to office, why do you want to go to office?” This man said: “No, no, I’m alright.” In the bus again, one of, one more his friend, other friend said - this totally arranged. Actually they arranged. One more person asked: “Hey! Your face shows you are tired, why don’t you go and rest? Why do you go for a job?” Again he said: “No, no, I’m alright.”

He went to the office. In the office, ground flour itself, somebody said, receptionist, she said: “Why don’t you have a leave and rest? Why don’t you get your leave and rest? You look so tired.” As soon as he went inside the office, boss called and told: “Could have, you could have your leave, you feel so sick. By seeing you I can understand you are tired. Are you sick? Why don’t you go and rest?” The man really started thinking. And not only he started thinking, he applied for leave and went to the house, went and, yes, rested. That day evening he had a temperature, not only the temperature, really he’s sick.

When many people continuously tell you something, you immediately start believing. Not one surprise, fifteen times they did this experiment. All the fifteen time, all the fifteen person fell sick. All the fifteen person fell sick. They just arranged. Sometime people here or there, casualy to tell: “It seems you are not feeling well.” The test proves how much other’s opinions play on our mind. How much you live based on other’s opinions. It’s just like the castle build by others certificates, as the kids build with their playing cards castle, cards castle, you build your personality with the other’s opinion, with the other’s certificates.

How long you can have other’s certificate? Tell me. As long as you dance according to their tune, you will have, they will let their certificates to be with you. How long you can dance according to everyone's tune. Immagine. One side, your husband is playing kathakali music. You go there and do kathakali steps. On the other side, daughter is playing pop music. You jump there and do few steps of pop. And back side, your son is doing bhavani music, then you do few bhavani steps. This side, somebody else is doing rag step, rag music. You jump there and do few rag steps.

This side to that side, that side to this side. This corner to that corner, here there, here there, here there. If you continuously run around, what will be your dance? It will be nothing but mess, that is what now we are doing. Everybody has got their own tune. How long you can run, you can dance for everybody's tune? If you know six, seven type of dances, at least you then manage. Even then I don’t think you will be able to manage. Because you need to shape, change the tune. How long you can manage.?

If you dance according to everybody's tune then they will let their certificate to be with you. If you don’t dance, if you dance for, if you don’t dance according to everybody's tune what will happen? They will take away their certificate. If somebody take away their certificate, what happens to your personality? That's what I called depression. Continuously it happens. It’s like you are centipedes. Centipede means, you understand, the, with hundred legs. Your a hundred leg. Only if all the hundred persons say something good about you, if all the hundred say some nice things about you, you feel comfortable. You can walk. If someone take away their leg, what will happen to you? You just tumble down, collapse.

I tell you. This is a homework, which you need to do. Make a list of the people, who can depress you. No, really. This will give you the new understanding in your life. See, most of the time, we do not even know our problem, that is the problem. Once you know your problem, ninety percent of things gets dissolved. Once the problem is brought to the consciousness, you will see it disappears. Find out who all can depress you, for whose’s opinion you wait. How many person’s opinions you give wait for them? How many person’s opinion you give respect? Who all can depress you? Make a list who all can depress you.

Be very clear, you are slave of all of them, that's all. Understand very clearly. Just by one word they can put you in depression. You are slave of them. You see, phsycological slavery is the worst thing any man can have. You are actually psychological handicaped, without them all you cannot move your life, that is what it means. Make a list who all can depress you. Have it in your bedroom itself, so that everyday you remember. I am slave of all these persons. At least let you be aware. As on now, what is there in your life. Same thing. Let you be aware that you are slave of all of them. Once your being is aware that you are slave of them all, naturally it will come out of it.

I tell you, very naturally you will come out of it. The being is such. Your nature is freedom, it will never allow you to be slave of somebody. It will never let you be slave of somebody. So the very understanding, just make this list. You may think “Oh, this all looks impractical. What, what ever solution this Swami is giving?” But once you make this list and continuously see at least for ten days, every day when you see, you will automatically turn your maturity, or your mind will turn towards the maturity.

You will never invest your energy on so many persons. Now you do not even know on how many persons you have invested your energy. It’s like a bank, you have a hundred percent energy, but you invested all your energy on so many persons. Only ten percent you have, ten percent of the energy you have, that is why you always feel low. You expect their attention to just boost you. You expect their pampering to bring you up. You always feel without them you cannot move.

Tell me.

Participant question: “Unfortunately, when somebody removes their attention, the tendency is to work harder to win it back.”

Swamiji: “No, then again you are working the line of slavery. I tell you, by making this list, you will integrate yourself. And one more thing, you will be able to give love to others only if you are integrated, till your integration, whatever you give is not love. It is just bargain.”

You give your attention, I’ll give my attention. It’s a contract, business and like a begging bowl. My bagging bowl eats your begging bowl, your begging bowl receives. It's my begging bowl. Both of them are standing in front of each other with a big begging bowl.

All sound which you hear in your house is nothing but the clashes of these two begging bowls. He is asking for your attention, she is asking for his attention. Both are asking for other’s attention and nobody is able to give. Once you understand you are slave of so many persons, you will understand you have invested your energy in all of them, then you will be able to integrate. You may ask: “Then Swamiji, should we not live adjusted life?” I tell you. Adjustment is different, compromising is different. Most of the time you compromise, but you claim yourself as a: “I’m living very adjusted life.” Adjustment has nothing to do with compromise.

What is adjustment? What is compromise? Let me explain. Compromise means, you are not having your center. You are just having your center on so many persons. You are like a centipede. So you cannot do anything, you have to compromise. You are dependent on others. Your energy is dependent on others. Only way other’s opinion, you are alive, this a compromise or a person is dead. Adjustment means, you totally integrate your energy in your being. You are never bothered or depressed by anybody's opinion, even then, you bend and give your attention to others. Even then, you listen other’s opinion. Even if you are not disturbed, you are ready to listen to other’s opinion, that is what is adjustment, but in our being 99 percent are wounds. We have a wound in our being, that is why we always compromise. We are never integrated.

Understand, if you are integrated, you will adjust, otherwise whatever you do is compromising. Never live a compromised life. It is psychological slavery. Phsycological slavery is much worst than physical slavery. And I tell you, only when you are integrated, only then you have energy on yourself. Only when you are centered on yourself, you can really love others. You can really give your attention to others. Only then you can really adjust and live happily. Till that time, till the moment of centring yourself into the heart, whatever you do will be only business. That is why always we say, almost all love marriage I can say, 99,9 percent love marriage, they feel the other has cheated you. Before marriage, he was one way and after marriage he is the other way.

Be very clear, nobody has cheated you, it is we who cheated ourself. It is we who cheated ourself. We always think that this is going to be this way and that is going to be that way. And we ask for continuous attention. Finally we say, we have not got it. He has cheated us. Nobody is cheated you, it is you who has cheated. Because, how much you can dependant, you can be dependant on others? Each one has got their own dependency on others. As long as you are dependent on others, be very clear, you are not going to feel satisfied. You are not going to center yourself.

There is a beautiful technique, from Tibetian Buddhism, to center your heart to center your energy. Already we practiced this meditation one day in the New York. Now this is the first technique. First level technique. A preliminary technique to center your energy. Next, step by step, we will go into the next energy centers and work. Now, let us enter into the first level technique to center your heart, to center your energy. Before entering into the meditation, if you want to spend few minutes.. Do you have any question about what we spoke now? What we discussed? I don’t think everyone of you understand everything. Because I myself had not understand totally .

Yes

Participant 2 Question: “My question is, there are moments that we feel love, without having expectations. How is that different? Or is it..”

Swamiji: The moments of meditation, you see, the moments of a deep spiritual level. The moments of meditation, if it has happened to your life, only then you will be able to feel the moments of love without any expectation. Till then, even even if your mind says “I’m not expecting anything”, there will be something in the background. Search, then you will be able to found out. Only when you have the test of pure love by meditation. Only by meditation you can have the test of pure love. The energy.