This is What Happened to You In Your Childhood

(0:16) Listen. Please listen. Sometime. You will convince about you to others. That I am like this this this this. I am qualified like this this. That is the way you get your job but you are not convinced about you. How many of you understand this kind of a situation? That is what is called self doubt. Others are convinced but not you. Others are convinced but not you. That is what is self doubt. See, when you convince others, they're convinced, you come back and lie down in your room but you analyze and see you are not convinced. Then doubt about you starts raising, that is what is self doubt. How many of you understand?

How many of you can spend a few minutes, find out all your self doubts and pen down? You will be having so many self doubts about your qualification and possibilities. How many of you can pen down? Raise your hand. Can we all write? Please write. Then we'll move to the next step.

(02:03-04:02) (Penning down)

You try to show you are very humble, outer image. The world perceives you arrogant. How many of you personally experienced this? Raise your hand. Only few! Others are still not understanding. Listen. How you show you to the world and how world perceives you, this gap. All of you. How many of you understand as you show world does not believe you. How many of you understand that? Raise your hand. Unless you are clear about that. Now how many of you understand there is a gap? That is what becomes self hatred. See! When you try to show yourself some way and but people don't believe you that way. Then you start feeling I am not enough. I am not sufficient. The guilt! That is what I call self hatred. How many of you now understand self hatred? Raise your hand. Come on! Try to find out all your self hatred. All the self hatred you have developed. Try to pen them down.

(05:23-06:34) (Penning down)

Lets see how the identities got created. Which led to so much of confusion. SDHD, self doubt, self hatred, self denial. First, initially how we started building this identity. First time in your life when you felt powerless, inadequate, frighten, the survival crisis, powerless, inadequate. That is the time that identity starts getting developed. Listen, I'll give you an example. When you are a child, four year old baby. Running around jumping in the rain. Suddenly your mother appears. Just slaps you, drags you into the room and puts you in the room and locks.

Now, you can tell no no she was taking care of my health. So she’s protected me. Otherwise, I’ll catch cold. But at that time exactly what you have felt? Oh this demon, is trashing me. Putting me into the room and locking. I am powerless. There is nobody for me. But others are, others means my mother exploiting me, forcing me, pressuring me. But I have to show myself strong. Then you start screaming, crying “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Let me out”.

How many of you understand? This kind of incident happened in your life. At that time what you think about you? I am powerless. That becomes your first inner image. Then, mother is cruel, angry. That becomes your first life image. I have to show myself powerful. I scream, that becomes your first outer image. This is the way you start developing the image. Already, how many of you remember some incident happen like this in your life. Raise your hand.

Go back to the earliest memory of your childhood. Earliest memory and relive that incident. Try to find out. What is your first inner image? Life image and others image. How many of you think you can do it? Raise your hand. Let’s take few minutes and do it. How many of you think you can’t do it? Raise your hand. Let’s take few minutes and do it. You can do it. Please pick up the paper and pen. Sit silently with yourself and start thinking. Try to find out.

(09:57-12:23) (Penning down incompletions)

It’s your life, think, think, dig it out, only then I can help you to complete. See, whatever you identify as incompletion I’ll clear it. But if you have not identified I cannot do anything. How many of you are still writing? Raise your hand. Thank you for your sincerity. Others please think through & write.

(12:50-15:18) (Penning down incompletions)

Let’s gather for next session. Thank you.