“Question: This is a personal question but if the issue is relevant you…”

Question: This is a personal question but if the issue is relevant you can share it. I have never enjoyed sex very much. I'm interested in the feelings I have during and after orgasm. I always feel this tremendous void or sadness and even anger. Sometimes I have the words in my head that I have been gypped by God. Like I am led to this place that is so emotionally huge and confusing and then nothing. Since I have seen you in August 06, my husband and I have only had sex once because I don't want this feeling anymore. It seems what I get out of my husband is so flat compared to some other potential. If I thought it was leading somewhere maybe I would try. Any thoughts are appreciated. Very personal question. I will not read out the person's name. I will answer this question because it is a problem and something that so many seekers feel and face. Usually I don't touch this subject with Indians. In India it's a taboo. You can't touch this subject. The social conditioning is too much, but I think I can answer this question. Why? 1) The group is small. 2) The West needs to be clear about this idea of sex. First thing: Look a little deep. What is actually sex? It is nothing but a feeling of being new. See, for a few moments inside your nervous system you feel things are new. You feel something is opening up. You feel you are someway little more than your body. As of now, the energy which you have and the nervous system which you have are almost the same frequency. The nervous system which you have has enough energy to flow through that system. Suddenly the energy is more –system is not sufficient and it's not able to hold that energy. That excitement only you call as orgasm. Orgasm is nothing but a sudden opening of energy. And your system is not able to handle that energy. Your system feels excited, triggered. That triggering, that excitement can simply happen through meditation. Secondly, that excitement can happen through meditation. That does not mean your regular relationship or life is something wrong. The celibacy if it helps you to be away from the problems of society, perfectly alright. Celibacy is a social vow. Not a spiritual vow. Be very clear. I am breaking strong truth. I am breaking a very strong truth which I won't usually give to Indians. With them, I never speak this subject because Indian society is too conditional and the Indian society does not want the truth. Somehow the conditioning has become too much, these guys don't look at the truth. They have their own ideas and with that they start living. The excitement or the orgasmic feeling which you have when you relate when you have the physical relationship can simply be created and be reproduced by meditation. once you understand this truth, the physical relationship does not have too much of importance. Same way, you don't have to completely renounce or suffer to renounce it. See having or not having sex has no meaning that's all I'm saying. If it does not interfere in anyway with your peace or happy life than perfectly alright. Have it. Sometime, this one point, one few moments of pleasure, just for this you get into some relationship and that relationship becomes such an abusive relationship. You spend your whole life and energy just for one of these few moments. If it is done socially, it is a simple bargain. Just sit and calculate, what you gained, that few moments? Is it worthy for the troubles which you are going through? If you feel it is worthy, than have it. If it is not, forget about it, that's all. That's all is the simple thing. I am giving you the truth straight. I am not keeping anything stored or anything unanswered. Another thing, it doesn't have any major role in your enlightenment. That's all I have to say. Having or not having does not have any major role in your enlightenment. The God is not sitting and counting how many times you have had and then deciding, 'I think this guy's enlightenment should be postponed.' God is not a peeping tom. He's not sitting in your bedroom calculating and measuring. That's simply your social understanding. Just see, how your social life is happening, how things are happening. According to me it is simple maturity. When you have at least one experience of orgasm through meditation, you will utter that frequency partner. Who will not be giving you difficulties, who will not be abusing you! Just because he or she is giving you some pleasure, he or she will not be abusing you. So try to experience that glimpse through meditation and suddenly your frequency changes and you will simply start relating to your partner in a different frequency. Or you will attract a different frequency partner to your life. Simply a shift in your frequency will start happening. So just for that, try to work on your inner consciousness and try to have glimpses, the same orgasm through meditation. Actually when you work on the orgasm through meditation, it will be 1000 times more intense. Then you will not be asking, you will just be sharing. You will be just giving. You will be giving, you will not be asking. A few more things: Sex frustrates you, because you are asking. You are trying to squeeze from the other person. You are just waiting, 'what can I get out of the other person?' But you don't understand, other person is also beggar and he is also squeezing you. There are two beggars standing with the 2 begging bowls! Only begging bowls are hitting each other. Just to have one glimpse through meditation you will transform yourself into a showering person. You will not be asking, you will just be showering. When you are showering, the other person will feel so respected in your space. If the other person feels deeply respected in your space, then you are already a brahmachari even if you are having a relationship. If the other person feels abused, or sucked or squeezed then, you will have difficulties. You are mentioning that you 'go to this space that is so huge and emotionally confusing' – anything huge confuses you. Do not walk on the path in which you are clear. Then you are mediocre. Only fools drive. Intelligent people climb. Understand; fools walk. Intelligent people climb. Do not travel on a path which is very clear. Then you are a fool wasting your life. If you feel this place is emotionally so huge then it's the place for you. This is the place for you. And confusing? What do you mean by confusion? Where your logic ends, you call that place as confusion. It is much more than confusion. What I am doing here is much more than confusion. You can't abuse me by using the simple word confusion. Find a bigger word. And it is too cheap and you are disrespecting me by using the word confusion. So find a little bigger word. Swamiji repeats a part of the question; 'If I thought sex was leading somewhere, maybe I would try.' Just see the social bindings it creates and decide. Otherwise if it has no spiritual value than having or not having has no spiritual value, it's a pure social decision. And above all, another thing I want to tell you, do not have any relationship just for sex. It's useless. It's nothing more than masturbating with another body. It is just useless. It's completely disrespecting the other person. See if sex is the only meeting point then forget about him, liberate him or her. Let she or he be liberated. If there are some more connecting points, for example same interests, or same ideas, same ideology or living for the same truth, that relationship is perfectly alright. Question from audience (can't hear); Swamiji; Oh, that's another problem. In Bharat, marriage is a big thing. But not in the West now. If you really think it is too big, and he also thinks it is too big, let both of you sit and have a discussion. Ask him directly, tell him. I am getting mature, I think my frequency is changing. See, You can become enlightened just by completely accepting. Completely accepting! The easterners have tried that. Only one husband that's all. Whatever happens, accept! That's also a path to enlightenment. But in the West you are trained for freedom. You are trained from the young age to go behind your thoughts. So in the East you are trained to live with one husband and acceptance. In the West you are trained to go behind your thoughts. So choose between some one more thing. But with the complete acceptance. But your very system is built on freedom. In the East, the very existence is built on acceptance. So, what to say, your very bio memory is a freedom. You understand. Here, the very bio memory is acceptance. So, I can only answer for the individual. There is no general solution for Easterners and Westerners. For the West, the answer is different and for the East, the answer is different. Because, it's the way in which you are bought up. I am trying to give the answer which will have less suffering and which will lead you toward the ultimate consciousness. For the West, for your system the way in which you were brought up and all those things, better decide say whatever has to be done. In the East, these guys are built on acceptance. So the same question is asked by an Easterner I will answer a totally different way. So this is the thing in which you have to understand.