Unclutching Initiation - Story of Arunagiri Yogishwara (excerpt from IA in Haridwar)

You all have reached enough level of completion to mirror exact the neuron activity happening in my brain. So understand, please listen. All of you have reached enough level of completion to mirror whatever is happening in my brain, the neuron activity. Now, when I am narrating this experience, I wanted to tell you, with integrity, authenticity, responsibility, enriching and causing - I’ll tell you the exact truth as it happened authentically. When I am going to narrate, that same experience I will be letting it happen in my brain. I’ll be letting that same experience, that same neuron activity happen in my brain. So just sit and listen from the space of feeling connection. You will see the same neuron activity just mirroring in your brain. Understand. All of you are clear? 02:22 Please listen. It was around the age of eleven, eleven and a half before my enlightenment experience. Maybe eleven. One day, as usual I was going around the temple. Actually temple was the place I was brought up. Literally brought up. That is why some of our ashramites and Swamis trying to buy our, buy the house in which I was brought up. They were trying to buy the house. I said, “If you have to make a memorial for the place where I was brought up, where I was born cannot be bought because it is a government hospital. If you have to make a memorial in the place where I was brought up, you should make the memorial in the temple, not in the house I was brought up, because I spent more time in the temple, then, the house I was supposed to be brought up, the house where my parents are staying.” The moment I remember the temple - the joy, experience. I can said that the temple was the place - everything, everything for me in my life.

So early morning, four thirty, the temple elephant will carry the water pot for the deities’ bath, sacred bath. It’ll go crossing the street where we used to live. From my family temple, it’ll go to the main temple. My whole family and the community was very closely associated to temple, and, it’s administration. So from my family temple that water pot will go every morning on the elephant. They will be beating the drums and all that. The moment I hear that sound, actually I would have woken up much earlier, but the moment I hear that sound, I’ll be joining that team, and going and opening the temple. And the light night when the deities put to bed, only then I’ll come, and then after that I’ll have two-three other appointments - going and seeing Ramsuratkumar. Spending little time with them, with him in the cremation ground. He used to live in the cremation ground for quite a long time. Then he moved near the temple one small house. Wherever he is, I’ll go and sit with him and spend time with him. And then late night I’ll come back to the house.

So one day, when I was going around the temple, behind the main shrine, there is a small four pillared hall, structure. And below that structure, there is a small kind of a cave structure. That's also a small two pillared structure. It can be said as cave. Looks like cave. Suddenly I saw one young sadhu walking out of that cave, place. This is the small cave (Arunagiri Yogishwara’s Samadhi Mandapam being screened). Out of which that young sadhu walking out. See this four pillared structure, and this small two pillared structure. From that small two pillared structure, one young sadhu walked out. I used to think it was a cave, because of the darkness inside and… (Swamiji laughing). Young sadhu walked out. If I have to describe his beauty, and grace - young, well built, long hair, with the sacred ash on the face and kumkum and rudraksha. Only one dhoti in the hip and only one towel on the shoulder, bare chest. Whole body was literally shining. Shining means really shining, glowing in the golden colour.

Maybe I can equate this photograph (painting of Arunagiri Yogishwara and a group of disciples sitting under the Banyan Tree being screened). I can’t say exactly like this photograph, because in this photograph, they have painted him more bluish. When I saw him, it was not bluish. It was more a golden colour. And there was no snake around his neck or moon around his neck. Just a very normal human form. But an extraordinary grace! The towel was only up to the lower knee level, not the whole dhoti. Lower knee level. And one towel on the, you can’t call that as a full dhoti. Little smaller than dhoti. One towel on the shoulder, rudraksha. Rudraksha on the hands also. Shining. Hair was left free, but it was so beautiful, it can, you can feel it’s almost like a Dakshinamurthy’s jata. It was standing on its own beautifully, long hair. The main thing I have to tell, a wide smile.

The moment I saw him, I went and touched his feet. Any sadhu I see, I’ll go and touch the feet and now such a graceful sadhu. I ran and touched his feet. He smiled at me and very loving way he just put his hand on my head. First sight itself, I experienced that deep feeling connection. Such a strong deep feeling connection. As usual I had, I have my regular questions for any sadhus I see - “You are from where?” “Who is your Guru?” “And what do you do?” “Have you achieved enlightenment?” In Tamil I used to ask, “Atma sakshaathkaram aayirichaa Ungaluku?” (ஆத்ம சாக்ஷாத்கரம் ஆயிருச்சா உங்களுக்கு?) Means, “Have you achieved the enlightenment experience?” And, “Can you teach me?” My usual questions. I started asking some my same usual questions. He smiled and he started answering. Other than the question, “Who is your Guru?,” he answered everything. And, then some ordinary topics. Those days the ordinary topics means what? “When is the next Utsavam in the temple?” “Why are they not putting enough flowers on the deity nowadays?” “Which Utsavam?” “When they are celebrating?” “Why they are celebrating?” “Why they are not celebrating?” These are our gossips. Tsk! The whole city will have gossip only about temple.

Whether you talk good things or bad things, it’ll all be about temple. Good things, “Ooh, nowadays lot of crowd is coming for the temple.” Bad thing will be, “Why they are not maintaining the temple properly.” That’s all will the maximum rumour, gossip we know. And, all these small talks I was having. He was also sitting and having all these small talks with me. And who is who in the town. Who is doing what. Tell her to wake up. Please sit straight, don’t miss initiation, such an amazing moment, don’t miss. Please sit straight. So he was having all small talks with me. I was also having small talks. I still remember, I even spoke about one temple priest having an affair with the temple dancer girl. No… (Swamiji laughing away) He… he sat, he spoke even about those things to me. I still remember, He was telling, “Do you see this big street Brahmin continuously going to that fourth street? Why is he all the time going there to her house?” I said, “Yes, yes. And he goes there and directly comes to temple also. Doesn’t even go to house and takes bath.” We are having all these small talks. I still remember in Tamil he was telling, “Paathiya pathiyaa, antha periya theru kurukal othavadathirku vaaram vaaram poitu varaar paathiyaa.” (பாத்தியா பாத்தியா, அந்த பெரிய தெரு குருக்கள் ஒத்தவடத்திற்கு வாராவாரம் போயிட்டு வர்ராரு பாத்தியா!) So, all these small talks are also we were having. 14:40 I don’t know how the day one itself, we become so intimate, so close. It’s not that he spoke only about Vedanta, enlightenment, the techniques to achieve enlightenment and Science of Enlightenment, Advaita. Even spoke who is going with whom, who is doing what. Somehow I become very close, intimate within one day. If I have to give the essence of my first meeting with him - I won’t call Advaita. I won’t call enlightenment. I won’t call spirituality. I won’t call I met a Guru and all that. I’ll only say essence of that first day meeting is friendliness he radiated. God! The amount of friendliness I felt with him, that love I felt with him. Love is a too poor word. Stupid word sometime. Friendliness, that seems to be more right word. Friendliness to the extreme, to the extent, even when I am sitting next to him, I feel like I’ll put one, one of my finger on him, on his body, on his leg or on his hand. I’ll just put one of my finger on him. Just want to be touching him. Or I’ll just hold his little finger. And sitting and talking.

One thing I wanted this to be on record. I don’t want to say only I saw him. Because, when I was sitting and talking, the watchman who walk in that area, or one or two people who come there to fetch water from the temple tank - they all did not look at me very weird. See, if I was sitting and talking alone, they would have look at me very weird. They did not look at me very weird. The way they looked at me, I am sure he was seen even by them, not just by me. This sadhu whom I am talking about, he was not just seen by me, even they have seen him. I don’t know how they saw him, but they were not looking at me weirdly. See, if you are sit, sitting alone and talking, people who walk around, they will naturally look at you weird. You will know by how they see you, they are looking at you weirdly or just casually. I have never, I don’t remember any of them talking to him or he talking to them back. But I remember very clearly, few people were walking. Many time when I was sitting and talking with him, few people will walk here and there. They won’t look at me like I am sitting alone and talking. They will just see as if two people are sitting and talking and they will walk, they will go.

And I have also not seen anybody coming near me or near him out of curiosity and trying to touch his feet and all that. Usually when the people see the sadhus, they will try to come and touch the feet. That I have not seen. But, I remember people are not looking at me weirdly. The exact spot where he was sitting and I was sitting with him and speaking, you can see (a photo of Swamiji sitting on the steps of the temple being screened). That exact spot where he used to sit. I used to sit and speak. He will sit on the step where I am sitting now, and I’ll sit one step below. Sometimes he will sit the upper step, one step above. I’ll sit where I am sitting now. But in these few steps only we will usually sit. And, those days that grill gate was not there. The gate was I think different, maybe wood, I don’t know, I for, I don’t remember now. But I don’t think it was a grill gate. Anyhow, this is where we used to sit. So that day one, ssence from my memory I can collect, the essence of day one’s meeting was extraordinary friendliness. It was not all about Advaita, all about spirituality, all about enlightenment, even though my questions were all about enlightenment. He was not speaking only about enlightenment.

He was making jokes, comments, funny observations about various things. I am not able to remember that every statement by statement, sentence by sentence, but one thing I can recollect is that extraordinary friendliness he radiated, and the space he gave me. I did not even feel like asking him, when I started holding his toe or his little finger. I’ll slowly put my hand on his toe and see how he responds. And, I have never seen resist, him resisting. So I’ll just hold his toe. I used to think the more you are touching his body, more energy will pass, like electricity connection. That’s the belief I had, and, and he was so friendly. Not only he did not resist, he entertain. That’s exact word I should say, he entertain. So first day, I went up to holding the toes. I did not want to irritate him also. And sitting, holding his toes. I think I was sitting his right side, so I was holding his left toe. He was sitting folded legs. I was holding his left toe. Maybe that is why I got Devi’s grace first. Left side is Devi na. 22:55 But the amount of hair he had. Still I am wondering. Used to be up to the thighs, his thighs - that long, thick. Whenever I see long hair, I remember him only. Anyhow, it become late night. Usually the temple watchman, they will just go around to lock the temple, to see whether anybody is there inside the temple before locking. Those days I was very close to the watchman, so they will say, sometime if I am sitting, “Eeh, if you want to sleep here itself, sleep, but don’t come in between the night, and ask us to open the door to go out. If you want to leave, leave now or you sleep here with us itself. But don’t ask us in the middle of the night, you want to go to the house, open the door. What do you want to do?” They will give me the option. Sometime I’ll go out and sometime I’ll sleep there itself. Usually I’ll go out because early morning to take bath again, I have to go to the house only. The temple, inside temple, the bath, bathroom and the restroom we will not be able to use. So we will have to go to the house only to take bath and get ready, and I’ll, I also have deities, I have to do puja. My personal deities, so I have to go to the house only.

So it become late night. And I remember the watchman telling in Tamil, “Saaminglaa yenchi ponga time aachu koil pootnum.” (சாமிங்களா, ஏன்சி போங்க டைம் ஆச்சு கோயில் பூட்ணும்.) So with this word, I can be sure that he was seen even by the watchman, because the watchman addressed in plural. He said, “Oh Swamis, go out. We will have to lock the temple. Go to your home, we have to lock your, lock the temple.” So he did not address as a Swami, he address as Swamis. “Oh Saaminglaa.” Means it is a, he was also seeing him. That is why he address as “Oh, both Swamis... go out, we will have to lock the temple.” Then I looked at him and told him, “Where are you staying?” He said, “I am staying in the temple only.” But actually some of the sadhus were staying in the temple at that time. They were all having their own small small caves. I thought he is also staying here in one cave. I said, “Okay then I am going to the…” He said, “Alright, go to the house and take bath and sleep and do your puja and come back tomorrow.” I told him, “If I come back tomorrow, can I see you?” He said, “Yes, yes, anytime come here and call my name, I’ll come out. I am here only.” And he showed the cave.

I was thinking that as a cave at that time. So I went to the house. I tell you, just visualise when you fall in love first time, and you are waiting to meet the person again next day morning, how the clock will not move. That is exactly I was feeling. I was sitting, every ten minutes, I will see the clock. I had one small alarm clock for me to get up and go to the temple. That clock will make such a noise, everyone in the house will curse that clock and me early morning, everyday. So I’ll wake up and see the clock. It’s only twelve o’clock, I’ll lie down, sleep. Again when I wake up and see the clock, it’s only twelve ten. Actually I moved the needle. I wanted to make it as a four o’clock. Because four o’clock they will open the temple door. Then I thought if I move only my clock, how can I make them open the temple. I waited, waited, waited. Around two thirty-three o’clock, I could not handle anymore, I ran and took bath, did all my puja. Four o’clock I came, came and stood in the street for the elephant to come to the temple.

And elephant came as usual. It came around four-five. But the five minutes I cannot tolerate. I can’t handle. “What happened to the elephant fellows? Nowadays they are not following the tradition properly!” I cursed his, his father, his grandfather, his great grandfather, his whole vamsa! “These fellows don’t do anything properly nowadays!” Finally, that elephant, and that, all that team came. Only that day, I was feeling the elephant is walking very slow. Finally we reached the temple and they open the temple gate. I ran to this cave where I met him. Usually I run to the main Garbha Mandir, main sanctum sanctorum and have darshan, only then go anywhere. But today, directly I ran. I called him, “Swami, Swami.” Immediately he came out again. He sat. I was sitting and talking to him. I told him, “Whole night I was thinking about you only.” I saw his face expression, he was pleased I think. He was smiling.

And... I saw him that time itself he was dress as usual, means one dhoti, saffron colour. Not the colour exactly I am wearing, little light colour, which we used to have earlier, that light colour, and one towel on the shoulder. He was already ready with all his vibhuti and kumkum and rudraksha. I asked him, “You finish your puja?” That’s the usual question. He smiled and he did not answer. Many of the questions, he will just smile in a very mystical way or mischievous way. You can say both, blender of mystical and mischievous. Mischievous mystical. So again second day also, I sat with him and we were speaking so many things. I remember whole day passed. And I also remember in a, carrier, a single carrier vessel, in Tamil they call Thooku Vaali (தூக்கு வாளி). In the vessel, he brought food and gave me - the temple prasadam. It was a copper vessel, I still remember, with a cover. I ate. He also ate with me.

He was clean shaven. Only hair in the head, long hair but no mustache or beard. Clean shaven. He was looking very young. If I have to assess his age, it will be, I’ll surely assess less than thirty. I can say twenty five to thirty. That is what I will assess. But well built and graceful. A tall figure. Very graceful, must be six feet tall and very graceful, well built. Again we were sitting and talking, talking. More than talking I know it was just spending time together. Today I got little courage, so I start holding his little finger. Only when he is talking, when he raises the hand to do some gesture, I’ll change, shift my hand to his leg, his toe. Otherwise, I’ll be holding the hand. It went on for many days, weeks. In ten-fifteen days I can say, he became almost just breath of my life. My days like… whole day I’ll be with him, whole night I’ll be waiting for him. That’s all. How many of you wait to come for the morning satsang to see me? Then all of you can understand what I am saying. You just wait for the next morning to happen to rush and see him. I know, I wake up only to see him. When I wake up, he is there in my eyes. When I open my eyes, I want to see his form. When I close my eyes, his photo is there inside.

If I have to describe my relationship, and what was happening at that time with him, I should tell you this story. There is a beautiful example in Upanishad. Upanishad is the source book of Hinduism, just like Bible for Christianity, Quran for Islam. Vedas are the source book of Vedic, Hindu Tradition. And Upanishads are the main chapters of the Vedas based on which our life is running. Upanishads are more like a instructions, and truths about life. So in one Upanishad, there is a beautiful story. In a tree, huge tree, there was a small bird, which used to jump from branch to branch. Some time it’ll eat sweet fruit in that tree and jump. Some other branches will have a bitter fruit. When it eats the bitter fruit, understand, it’s a, it’s a beautiful simile or a example with a amazing truth. When that small bird eats the bitter fruit, it’ll feel pain. On that same tree, on the top of the tree there was a big bird sitting - golden colour, shining. That big bird neither eats bitter fruit nor eats the sweet fruit. It just sits in the peace and silence, complete completion. It’s radiating its glory.

This small bird, which is running between this lower level branches, sometime when it eats the sweet fruit - it feels joyful and bitter fruit - it feels bad. When it feels bad, it’ll look up and see the big bird. And think, “See the bird, so beautiful. He is so graceful. It doesn’t have any pain, any suffering. Why not me also become like that?” So it’ll think, “Yes, yes, let me go near that bird and become like that bird.” It’ll start jumping towards that bird. But when it is going, going towards that bird, suddenly on the way, it’ll eat some fruit which is very sweet. The moment it eats the sweet fruit, it’ll forget that big bird. And it’ll start eating more fruit, till it lands on the bitter fruit again. The moment it eats the bitter fruit again, it’ll look up and say, “I should become like that bird.” And then again it will start going towards that big bird.

This small bird is spending all his life like this - jumping here there, here there, here there. Suddenly looking up when it eats the bitter fruit. But when it eats the sweet fruit, forgetting the big bird, forgetting everything, just eating these sweet fruits. Finally one day, by jumping, jumping, jumping, jumping, jumping like this, this small bird has somehow reach very near the big bird. And one fruit which that small bird ate was so bitter, it decided not to look this side and that side, just locked its mouth and straight went near that big bird. When it went near that big bird, the more it went near, it felt he himself is the reflection of that big bird. And more and more and more when he went, he just merge and become one with that big bird. I don’t even need to explain the concept behind the story I think now. I have explained the example so clearly, the concept I don’t even need to explain, all of you understood I think.

But I’ll try to give few more words for you to understand the concept. Big bird is the Cosmic enlightened being - Paramatma. Small bird is you - the individual soul. The bitter fruit is the incompletions and pains and sufferings. Sweet fruit is the once in while small joys, completions you experienced. When you experience little sweet things in the life, kind of a fulfilment - your forget about Paramatma. And but when you get into the bitter fruit, you immediately remember and look up. And here there, here there, here there jumping, somehow, when you really really eat the bitterest fruit, and you decide after that you will never open the mouth again, means, you will never allow anymore incompletions. And straight look up and move near Him. You will understand, you are, first you will understand you are His extension. Next you will understand, you are just His shadow. Third, you will understand, you are just His presence. Fourth, you will understand, you are He. Exactly, this is the exact relationship I had with Him.

I can say, He was my everything, everything. One day in course of conversation, I was telling Him the story, some incident about the great, one of the great saintly enlightened disciple of Ramana Maharshi. That disciple used to write that teachings of Ramana Maharshi, and everyday he will bring it and show it again to Ramana Maharshi. And if there is some mistake, spelling mistake or grammar mistake, Bhagavan will edit in his own hand, with his own handwriting. So that sadhu... by that time actually I know his name. I asked his name. He said, “Arunagiri Yogishwara.” I know his name by then. So I asked Arunagiri Yogishwara, I was telling about this story, then Arunagiri Yogishwara smiled and said, “Maybe that is the way that Swami was trying to get the handwriting of Ramana Maharshi in his notebook.” And he also made a comment, “Just to get the Ramana Maharshi handwriting, this Swami will make more and more mistakes.” The moment I heard, immediately I thought I got a very brilliant idea! I thought I will also start writing and bring the notebook to you. You will pen down. You will write. I will keep your handwriting with me. And I did it! I did it.

At least I had three-four notebooks. It’s very unfortunate that we are not able to get those notebooks now. Let’s see, Kalabhairava will get it for us. Two-three notebooks and one or two dairies, where I tried to pen down in the night whatever I could remember we spoke. And then purposely make mistakes in writing, and bring it to him next day. He will also read and smile and purposely he knows I have done mistake purposely, and he will write, and he will write few lines, few words on it. And He will do editing means like crossing or adding. I very clearly remember, he has signed even once “Arunagiri Yogishwara.” So many things, so many things we used to speak. Once I remember he told me that, “Don’t go around and tell everyone that you are everyday meeting me and talking to me.” I took that as an instruction, I never asked why. That was one good thing I had. If I accept somebody as my Guru, that’s all, I’ll simply surrender. No question of why, what and all that. Before accepting, I’ll ask all the questions. The moment I accept, after that no question asked. That was my lifestyle.

Everything was going well. I remember him talking to me about various subjects - Patanjali Yoga Sutra, Vijnana Bhairava Tantra, Upanishads. I even remember taking four Upanishad book to him, which was given to me by Isakki Swamigal. Tamil translation of the four Upanishads, and where he opened and read out some lines, and, explained some lines to me. And I had the fortune of he directly singing the Devarams of Gnanasambandar to me. I have heard some of the great songs, Devarams from his own mouth. I even asked him once, “How do you know all these?” He says, he said in Tamil, “Ingye dhaaney iruken. Ingeye dhaaney paaditrukaanga. Adhanaala kekren adhanaala theriyuthu.” (இஙகியே தானே இருக்கேன். இங்கியேதானே பாடிட்ருகாங்க.. அதனால கேக்றேன். அதனால தெரியுது.) He said “I am here only all the time na. They are singing all the time here na. So I am listening, so I know.” These are all the mystical mischievous answers. With more time passing, I got more comfortable with him. I ate with him. I have slept in his lap. Sometime he will sit, I will lean on him and stretch my leg. 48:58 He was just, he was never just a Guru. He was far more than that. Far, far, far more. He was much more than any fantasy you guys can have about Guru. He was just too much beyond any fantasy you can have about Guru, and how you should be living with Guru. Whatever fantasy you guys may be having, how you should be living with Guru, I have lived thousand times more and beyond with him. He is the fulfilment of all existing and possible fantasies. That's the word I’ll utter “existing and possible fantasies” of a Guru-disciple relationship. I have seen him materialising. I have seen him flying. I have seen him perform all types of miracles. I have seen him teaching me all these siddhis, while he teaches, he will perform and show. I have seen him bringing the moon directly in front of me. Understand, I am neither lying nor I am a brain deranged person. I am neither lying nor my brain is deranged. I am not telling you any stories. I am telling you the truth as it happen.

I have heard about so many scriptures from him. Never he will take more than few minutes to explain any scriptures to me. Immediately he will show through some miracle or just like a experience he will transmit. Any samyama he has to teach, he will just teach through experience. Whether the way he looks, sits, carries himself, or the words he utters, or the joy he radiates, or the friendliness he radiates, or the way he taught - everything is beyond fulfilling any, any possible fantasies. I have seen him do, making disappear the whole world other than the both of us. Or showing everything inside him. I have seen him showing Visvarupa, that everything is he. So much, so much he has transmitted to me. I don’t know whether I will be able to transmit all that to humanity. At least put it in record, the time of next hundred and twenty six years I am going to be using this body. So much he has transmitted. So much he has taught. All was going well. 54:05 Almost he become my life breath. And I even carry food from the house and he will eat. One great thing with my mother, she is such a sweet person, never ever she will say no to people - food. Any sadhu comes, any beggar comes, my mother’s father is such a person, still outside his house, they have two small tanks - stone, made out of stone, where they will pour water for the dogs, cows which walk in the street for them to drink. Still they have that tradition. Even if the food is remaining, they’ll make it, mix it with water and keep it for the cow. Means, not the own - their cows or pet dogs, for the stray dogs, for the err stray cows which goes around in the street. And I remember, my father side grandmother also, she will also feed any stray dog. She will get them, somehow she will become friends with them, and feed them. If they have some skin disease, he will take them, she will take them to the hospital. Whether it is the sadhus or pets or beggars, my house was always open. My mother was a typical village lady - waiting to feed people.

So whenever I asked, I wanted to take food for some sadhus, she will immediately pack and give. She will never have a second word. She will never grumble, grudge, nothing. She will immediately pack and give. She will only ask, “Swami, what do you want? You want idli or you want rice?” Idli means breakfast. Rice means lunch and dinner, both. That’s all. That is the only two menu. That is the standard menu. Any middle class house in the village, this will be the standard menu. She will ask, “What do you want?” And whatever I say, she will pack and give. I have seen him, seen Arunagiri Yogishwara eating with me. One day I told him, “Please you come to the house, my house.” And he laughed and said, “You come to the house, place where I am staying. House where I am staying.” The moment he said, I know “wow, such an opportunity.” I said, “Come on, take me! You only never took me.” I told him, “Come on, take me, take me! You never took me your house where you are staying. Take me to your room.” I thought inside the cave only he is staying.

I know in Tiruvannamalai Temple, there are so many caves, and, I have seen the cave size of where thousand people can sit. Please understand, in Tiruvannamalai, I have seen the caves, such huge large size caves - thousand people can sit. That size cave I have seen, with water facility, and lighting. The natural lighting, and water. I have seen the caves. So I thought maybe this cave will lead to his cave where he is staying. And I also know in Tiruvannamalai Temple, there are many underground paths, subways. So I asked him take me to the place where he was staying. He said, “Come on, let’s go.” He entered into that cave by bending, and I remember he just held my hand and pressed. Please understand now, I wanted to put this on record. First time when he pressed the hand, I lost body Consciousness. All these days I was with him, I never lost body Consciousness. First time I lost body Consciousness, so from this moment whatever I am describing, I do not know whether physically I was part of that scene, or I was taken out of my body and this experience happened. I am not able to be clear, because, the moment he pressed my hand to pull me inside the cave along with him, I lost the body Consciousness.

And even the scenes, I remember after this were not like this worldly. He just walked into a cave and I also walked with him, and, suddenly the cave opened and we came out and I saw a huge banyan tree. Little bigger than our Bidadi Banyan Tree. It was Arunachala Hill, that much I can very clearly say. And the huge banyan tree. And, maybe some twenty-thirty, thirty sadhus were sitting around the seat of the Guru. The seat of the Guru was empty. They were all sitting down meditating. The moment he walked in, all of them got up and stood and did namaskar. The way they bowed down, I know he is the Guru of that area, means, Guru of that group. He went and straight sat on the Guru seat. The way he went and sat authoritatively, I know he is the Guru, and all of them are his disciples - very elderly sadhus with the long beard, just like you listen and see in the stories. How the Dakshinamurthy used to be sitting under the banyan tree and all his old disciples used to sit. That's exactly the scene.

01:01:18 The scene happening: happened in Kailaasa, happening in Bidadi. Was literally happening I saw. The way he went and sat… literally he sat like Dakshinamurthy only. He just went and put his leg little this way, that’s all. That’s the way he sat, where he put the left leg on the right leg, and, little closer he kept than usual posture of Dakshinamurthy you see. This exactly the way he sat. And he started answering some of the questions they all asked. They were addressing him with so much of reverence. And they all fell flat when he sat in his seat and did namaskar, and sat up. I was the only small boy in that group. But I was looking around and seeing all of them. Maybe after some time, their attention turned on me and one person said, “Who is this person? He is the only person without kavi here.” Who is not a Swami, sannyasi, that kind of a, he did not exactly mean, meant I am not a sannyasi or a person without having kavi - something like that.

01:03:23 Because I was with my school uniform. I remember very clearly. That err dark blue and light blue. Must be, because eleven means by the time I have already started going to the high school - six grade, so, dark blue and light blue. In Bharatn villages, kids will not change the uni, they will wear the uniform even in the holidays. They may not go to school but they will always be wearing the uniform only. Same dress only. I still remember the half trouser of dark blue, and, shirt of light blue. That was the school uniform. And, immediately that’s all my Kundalini! I said, “I may not be wearing kavi! I am also sannyasi only!” And I saw Arunagiri Yogishwara laughed. Then he said, “Then why are you not wearing kavi?” I asked him, “You give me. You give me kavi.” He laughed and he looked, immediately I saw one sadhu brought kavi clothe. And I did not even have a second thought to remove and throw my dress. I just removed all my dress, naked I walk near him, without even having a second thought. And he just, he himself tied that kavi clothe in my hip like a dhoti. He himself tied it.

01:05:34 I still remember, he just tied that cloth and hugged me. Gave energy darshan, put his hand on my head. Naturally the experience was just out of the world. And I came and sat in the group. Now I felt one with the group and group also felt one with me. They did not feel now I am an outsider. One good thing, still I have the cloth given by him. Still the cloth is there. Because the cloth is there, I feel the experience is either happen in the physical plane or a metaphysical plane, which gets converted to physical plane. See, there are some metaphysical experience which disappears when the conversion into physical plane happens. But there are some solid metaphysical experiences, that it becomes physicality when it comes down to a physical plane. Like Ramakrishna had an experience of Rama giving him the pot full of porridge. A mud pot full of porridge. When he came down from that experience, he had the pot in his hand. The pot was there. The pot did not disappear. Only the Rama’s form disappeared but the pot was there. That did not disappear.

01:07:36 So I can say, this experience from the metaphysical plane, when it settled down into the physical plane, the items given remain. That is why I feel the experience has become physical bio memory in me. It remains as a physical bio energy. And, after some time we were sitting and discussing, and all those great yogis and sadhus, they were all talking for a few minutes and then they all sat in silence for a few minutes. He was sitting gracefully. I neither felt like asking any question nor felt like talking. I can say from my observation, that tree look very real because the leaves were there, fruits were there, the bird sound I remember, birds were there. And in the breeze, that tree was moving. So once it become a little dark, late evening, he said, “Come on, let’s go back to the temple.” I said, “Okay.” Again, he brought me back. While we entered the cave, again he was holding my hand. When we came out of the cave to the place exactly where we entered, there only he just left my hand. I saw when he left my hand only I came to the physical awareness.

01:09:35 So either he took my metaphysical body to his metaphysical space, or he took my physical body itself to that metaphysical space. In these two, any one is possible. Because the clothe is there physically with me, I feel it was physical happening. But because it was completely otherworldly, look out of the world - I am not able to say it is only physical. I’ll explain why in the next continuously. That’s all. Now my ecstasy is too much. The ecstasy is too much. That new kavi. Oh God! I was running around here and there, showing everyone “I got the kavi, I got the kavi, I got the kavi!” He left me in the temple saying that you can go now and he went away inside his cave. First person I ran was my Guru - Kup, Mata Vibhudananda Devi, Vibhudananda Puri. Her name was Kuppammal, local name. I ran to her and show “See! I have kavi. I got kavi.” But I did not get that joyful response from her. She become too serious. I did not actually expand, expect serious response from her. I thought she will be very happy.

01:11:47 She became very serious and asked, “Who gave you this kavi?!” I said, “Why?” She said giving kavi means they gave you sannyas. Actually she was waiting to give sannyas to me. And “How did they give sannyas without asking your father and mother? Now your father and moth, your parents will ask only me! Who will gave, gave you the kavi?” I got a little frightened. I told her, “There is a sadhu in the temple, he gave me the kavi.” “Take me to him!” She started telling, “No, no one will give you kavi. You have stolen from the some shop. Tell me that. Tell the truth. We will give it back to that shop. I will not tell your grandfather.” My grandfather is a well known in the city, sorry, in that village. So everyone will be afraid of my grandfather - mother’s father. “I won’t tell your grandfather. Otherwise I’ll tell your grandfather, you have stolen from some shop!” I got more frightened. “Oh God! What is this? She is going to tell now my grandfather I have stolen. I have not stolen. I have only got it.”

01:13:12 Then I said, “Alright! I’ll take you to that Swami. Come! He only gave me. I have not stolen in any shop.” She held me in her hand. She really believed that I have stolen in some shop. The kids, when they will go here and there in the shop, they will steal little candy. They will steal little sugar. She thought I have stolen. I told her that, “No, I have not stolen. I never steal. Don’t you know?” She has high regard for me, but I don’t know why she is not, she’s, she was also confused. She wants to verify directly. When I took her directly to that cave and I started calling, “Swami, Swami, Swami!” He did not come out. Almost nine months, I know him, he is around me - never he miss coming out! He did not come out. That’s all. I was shocked. One side I have to prove to her I have not stolen. Other side now, she is making a big ruckus that I have been given sannyas without the parents permission. I did not bother even about any of those things, but the he is not coming out. That was too much.

01:15:09 Then she just held my ears and started turning it. “Tell the truth. Where you have stolen? Which shop you have stolen?” That’s why they will treat in the Bharatn villages, the kids will be treated. She is my Guru, that is why I left it, I allowed her. I said, “No, from this cave only that Swami came out.” She dragged me and took near that cave, and showed me. “Whom are you trying to cheat? Is this the cave?” She pushed that stone and showed me, only then I realised it was not a cave. It was a sealed solid stone. Please understand. Only then first time I realised in that nine months, it was a solid stone construction. It was not a cave. That is why I doubt whether he, Arunagiri Yogishwara taking me inside was a physical or a metaphysical. Because I realised it is a stone construction, not a cave! Shock for me. She said, now I have no justification. Because I am not able to get Arunagiri Yogishwara. I said, “It’s a cave. It is not cave now anymore.”

01:16:59 I just stood. She was just turning my ears. I told her, “Stop, stop,” and I pulled her right hand. I still remember. I told her, “I promise in the name of Arunachaleswarar, on you, on me, I have not stolen this cloth. Only Arunagiri Yogishwara gave me.” With that I slapped on her hand. See, that’s the usual way the kids will tell that “I swear!” Swearing, I swear that is the way I did that to her. In Tamil, I said, “Annaamalayaar melayum ommelayum emmelayum sathyam panni solren, avar dhaan intha thuni kuduthaaru. Naa engeyum thirudala. (அண்ணாமலயார் மேலயும் ஓம்மேலயும் ஏம்மேலயும் சத்தியம் பண்ணி சொல்றேன், அவர் தான் இந்த துணி குடுத்தாரு. நா எங்கேயும் திருடல.) I told her, “On Arunachala and you and me, I promise - I did not steal in any shop. Arunagiri Yogishwara only gave. He used to come out of this cave only.” When I put my hand and did that satya, I can say maybe this is the first energy darshan I gave. No, the power of that experience was so alive! Maybe first time, the mirror, the brain, my neuron activity mirrored in her brain. Suddenly all her doubt and everything disappeared. All her doubt, skepticism, everything disappeared! Suddenly she kneeled down.

01:19:10 I saw in her tears that, in her eyes that tears, her ears - whole thing is completely listening to me. She said, “Unnmayliye solriyaa da?” (உண்மைலியே சொல்றியாடா?) “Are you telling the truth?” I said, “Yes.” Now she has come to the space of listening to me. She is no more that doubting old lady. She has, she asked, “Eppidraa irunthaaru?” (எப்புட்றா இருந்தாரு?) “How he was looking?” I described to her. “From where he came out?” “From this cave only he will come out whenever I call, and he will go in.” She asked, “Did you ask his name?” I said, “Yes, I asked!” She asked, “What is the name he said?” Now it’s like a my zone. Suddenly with all my confidence I said, “He said his name is Arunagiri Yogishwara!” That’s all. She fell at my feet. She literally fell at my feet. I was shaken because she was my Guru! She fell at my feet and she was weeping profusely with tears. She said, then she got up and again she was kneeling down said, “Really da? Unnmayliye vaa daa?” (உண்மைலியே வா டா?) I remember, I put my hand on her head also and said, “Sathyamaa paati. Un thala mela sathyamaa solren.” (சத்தியமா பாட்டி. ஒன்தல மேல சத்தியமா சொல்றேன்.) Means, promise I swear on your head. It is truth. That’s it. Maybe I can say the second energy darshan for her.

01:21:20 She said, “Eeh, we are all meditating for years and doing tapas just to see him once. You really saw him? He gave you the kavi? You spoke to him?” Now she is a complete theist. She is completely able to receive the experience I was telling. Even now I use this technique if some of the disciples are arguing, not listening, I’ll just touch them. That’s all. After that they will listen. They will come to the space of listening. Their energy will change, will become positive. That is why these guys who want to run away, they will never meet me. They know if they meet me, they will not be able to run away. They will disappear without meeting me. She cried, cried. And she could not handle herself. She just left me and went away to the place where she is staying, to her house, which was actually like ashram. She gave away that to Tiruvannamalai Temple. She first wanted to give it to me. When I said, “No, what am I going to do? I am not going to be physically staying here in Tiruvannamalai.” Then she gave it away to temple. Now temple owns that property.

01:23:12 Now, I have a big issue. He is not coming. I felt I breached the word he told me. He told me never to tell anybody. I feel because I told Kuppammal, he is not coming, he is angry. So I shouted, shouted, screamed, “Swami, please come. Don’t leave me like this. I will not do this mistake again. I will not tell anybody. Please don’t be like this.” But I could not see him out, coming out. One side when I remembered, she told me Aruna, ah Kuppammal told me, “He is directly Mahadeva! Shiva! Living here in Arunachala.” Ramana Maharshi talks about him. Great Siddhas has seen him. One side, that was just making my body just explode in joy, bliss! He himself came and gave kavi to me. Other side, now he is not coming. So that was just squeezing my heart. If I have to describe exactly what I was going through, in Bhagavatam there was a beautiful story.

01:25:16 One gopika, wants to go and see Krishna in the middle of the night. He is sitting in the forest and playing the flute, that sound is coming to her bedroom. Husband is not there. So she runs secretly to go and see him and come back. But the moment she came to the main door of the house, she saw the mother-in-law sitting and combing the hair of her daughter-in-law. Sister-in-law, sorry, mother-in-law sitting and coming the hair of her sister-in-law. Even now in any Bharatn village, if you go and see, if you see ten house, in five house you can see this scene. Mother sitting and combing the hair of the daughter on the doorstep. I thought, “Oh God! From the time of Bhagavatam, we have not changed!” Five thousand years tradition - sitting on the door frame and mother combing the hair of the daughter. And removing that lice. This is almost like a twenty four hour job. If they don’t have, in those days no other entertainment na. Only this hair combing. You comb my hair, then I’ll comb your hair.

01:26:51 So beautifully Vyasa describes, I have to tell you the exact scene. The gopika runs, the main door frame - the mother-in-law is sitting and the sister-in-law is sitting and she is combing the hair. Seeing that scene, she just stands in this door frame itself, her door frame itself and holding the door frame with one hand. One side when she listens the music of Krishna’s flute, all the extraordinary ecstatic memory of that time she had with Krishna and that memory of Krishna - she’s in bliss. Next moment this sister-in-law and mother-in-law are sitting, like buffaloes. Because both of them are there, she cannot go out. They will ask, “Eeh, where are you going in the middle of the night, when husband is also not there - alone?” So if she steps out of the house, her character will be questioned. And they are also hearing the music of the flute. I don’t know from that time, I think this mother-in-law and sister-in-law never get your devotion, and, understand what you live and what you go through. Anyhow, whatever it is.

01:28:45 Because mother-in-law and sister-in-law are sitting, she is not able to go. Because she is not able to go, the pain of separation was other side. Vyasa describes, the pain was like intense burning, and that bliss of her memory of Krishna was intense joy - these both happening again and again. Because of that pain, she burn away all her incompletions. Because of that joy, she exhausted all her good karmas. Because she exhausted both, she just become enlightened and fell on the ground - liberated herself. Got liberated. This is the exact story I have to describe what I was going through at that moment. One side, now I know Mahadeva himself came, I am holding that kavi! I am touching the cloth again and again. He himself came and gave that kavi. That joy, ecstasy, pride, bliss, all that. The other side, the pain - he is not coming. The fear he may not come at all anymore. I may miss him. That is too much. When these two happen, whatever the remaining - little bit of good karmas I had got burned by that joy and bliss knowing that he himself lived with me and initiated me. Little bit of whatever bad karmas were left, they got burned by that fear whether he may, may not come at all.

01:31:27 These bliss and joy and pain burned both the karmas. I just dropped. I can say by crying, crying, I just slept away there itself. I can’t, I should not even use the word slept. I fell into some state. I got lost. Anyhow after some time, I think it was late night, I was sleeping in the temple. I, I don’t want to say sleeping, laying in the temple. The temple watchmen, they will come and wash the temple. Any festival day, they will come and wash that temple in the night. So usually I will also help them. How to help? I will, I’ll help, how I’ll them you know? They will put the tube in the tap, and they will be having the broomstick and washing the floor. And we boys who were volunteering, we just have to carry, hold the tap and walk behind them. Tsk! Pouring water. That’s the volunteer service we used to do. So, that watchman, temple watchman, he woke me up saying, “Ey saamiyaar payyaa.” (ஏ சாமியார் பைய்யா.) That is the way he will call me. “Wake up, wake up, hold the pipe for me. I have to clean. And they are going to put the deity to bed. Go and have the Garbha Mandir darshan and come back.”

01:33:09 Somehow that day, I think some festival. I think it was January 1st. But still I am not able to completely collaborate with other things. Anyhow, so the deity was put to bed little late. He said go and have darshan in the Garbha Mandir, they are going to close the Garbha Mandir, they are going to put the deity into the bed. Then come back and hold me the pipe. Hold the pipe for me to wash, clean the floor. I said, “Okay,” and I rushed. I was in the same space and state. I ran to the Garbha Mandir. I saw no priest was there but Garbha Mandir was open. Those days very few priest were in the temple. Many times, Garbha Mandir will be open and no priest will be there. The moment I enter the ardha mandapa, the next, the hall of the Garbha Mandir to have darshan of the deity, the moment I looked up, I saw Arunagiri Yogishwara sitting on the Shiva Linga. He was just sitting on the Shiva Linga. I could not control myself. I screamed, “Swami! Are you here? Why you did not come when I call?” I was talking all these and I was running, rushing near to touch him.

01:34:54 Even though we were not suppose to enter the Garbha Mandir. I don’t think I have entered the Garbha Mandir. But I rushed towards him. I don’t remember whether I entered or not entered. I was not in the mood at all to follow the rule that I should enter the Garbha Mandir and all that. I just want to touch him. I ran. Stretched my hand to touch him. He also stretched his hand. The moment my hand touched his hand, exactly that moment I experience, I saw clearly - he is me, I am him. It was just pure Oneness. Pure Oneness. The unclutching has happened exactly at that moment. After that neither I missed him, nor I saw him separately. That’s the exact moment experientially the unclutching, the pure Advaita happened. Whatever word you may use “Advaita,” “Aham Brahmasmi,” “Tat Tvam Asi,” “Shivoham,” the experience of that pure Oneness happened as it is to stay once for all.

I bless you all. With all my integrity, authenticity, responsibility and enriching, causing - let you all experience the ultimate pure Advaita, the Oneness. Shivoham, Shivoham, Shivoham. Nithyananda. 01:38:35

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